Really struggling this week - Missing my dad so much it hurts.

[anastasia74]

Hi everyone on here,

Just wanted to offload really.

Had a really really bad week. Been so tearful nearly every day this week. Even work has'nt been much of a distraction.

Just keep going through our last conversation we had -the sernarios that could have been different etc etc. Done all this in my head before. Why has it all started again. Its so destructive. Feels like I'm starting at square one in coming to terms with everything.

Feel so down and exhausted.(He passed away in July). I suppose the shock/numbness of his death has passed now and its the dawn of the reality of it now.

I went to his grave to see if that gave me any comfort. No just felt worse.

Hate standing there looking at his name on a stone - make me feel sick. Miss him so much. He was my hero. Always looking out for me.

Sorry rambling.

Hugs to everyone who knows how it feels.

hugs back anastasia it's awful and horrid and shows that the months don't really make it get better. not for a bit anyway. i don't know your story but i can relate to how you feel at the moment, and all i can say is that eventually you will start to remember some nice memories without it being so painful. The very fact that you are struggling today just proves how much you loved him (and vice versa actually) and that is very special - you obviously had a wonderful relationship with him. I'm sure many people are jealous even of that fact, how wonderful that he was YOUR dad and you were HIS daughter - nothing can take that away from you.
I'm sure in the first few weeks of him passing you took everything back to basics - an hour, or a day at a time... i wonder when you feel like this if it's best to do the same again... just take it easy today, take it bit by bit.

Oh darling, so sorry you feel like this again. As you know I am slightly 'ahead' of you - My Dad died in April and it's really weird you feel like this as I am just coming out of a really bad patch too, that lasted well over a week. I too felt so emotional, couldn't stop crying and I just felt really low, miserable and exhausted. I really think we plod on and put a brave face on but our body can only take so much, then it kind of has to release all this pent up grief.

I've actually taken the step to contact a bereavemnet councellor, have been acceppted - am just on the waiting list.

Anastasia, I have no words of wisdom, it is just so SHIT and hard and relentless and I'm so so sorry. I'm walking the same path with you mate. xxx

Thankyou MummyElk and DrNortherner for your kind words.

Being able to share experiences on this site has really helped me cope with these ups and downs.

Friends are good to talk to at times but really don't understand how I am feeling and I really don't want to burden my close family who are struggling themselves at times. (My husband was so close to my dad as his own dad passed away when he was quite young - so my dad was like his dad in a way) and my mum has her own health problems.

Hugs to you - hope you have a peaceful weekend.

Anastasia
Your post brought back sad memories for me. I am 7 years down your path but your words were very poignant and brought tears to my eyes.
I too had a hero dad (aren't we lucky to be able to say that). I had a very difficult time when my dad died suddenly and like you after six months I found it all too much to cope with on my own (DH extremely supportive) I then found a councillor and spent a few sessions with her. I think this set me on the path to being able to cope.

I think people generally expect you to be over the worst of it after 6 months. I remember going away for a long weekend break to a lodge we used to visit in the middle of Scotland. The lovely lady proprietor knew there was something wrong with me and I just broke down and I remember saying "it just feels so long since I've spoken to my dad"

I still miss my dad very much but the raw grief has diminished. I am able to speak about him and I often think about him, particularly when I see something in nature that he would have loved I'll say "oh dad would have loved to have seen that".

Bereavement councelling (it was private) saved me - perhaps you could try that.

Hello from another thread (about the videos). I'm just writing to say that I'm really glad you have started another thread, that you had enough faith in throwing out a question, to do it again. I guess the best thing to do at the moment is to bear witness to his life and hope that this helps to settle your feelings (you seem to be overwhelmed with guilt), and set you going for the years ahead, in which he won't be with you (sorry to be brutal), but you manage to keep him with you by making thinking of him be part of your life. This is a bit of a thing of mine, so please forgive me if it's not appropriate: I do believe we can ease our bereavement by realising that we keep people with us every day by thinking about them, planning to talk with them, imagining conversations with them, etc... Otherwise, we would miss people - even living people - far too much, given our incredibly spread-out and busy lives. This strange idea could be just me, but I hope it's a little comfort. Good night.

Winged Victory after giving some thought to what you have said - I suppose I do feel guilty at times for having to just get on with my life to all intent and purposes as if nothing as happened on the face of it.

Of course when scratching just beneath the surface our lives have been shattered by my dads sudden death, there is a gaping hole - especially for my mum. Yet we are just going about our business as if nothing has happened. I know that we have to -just carry on - but I still feel guilty.

Since my last bad patch. I have started to bottle up things and put my emotions sort of to the back of my mind to cope really with normal day to day stuff - especially when at work and also when with my daughter is with me. Don't want to fall apart in front of her again. I know that this is perhaps not healthy. But don't see how else I can function at work etc.

Feel a little bit better this week though than I did a few weeks ago.

Hugs to everyone going through this.

Anastasia and Dr Northerner - you are both doing well as your loss is so recent. I am 18 months down the line from my Mum dying and I still find it so hard. Have discussed with my counsellor - our society is so bad at dealing with grief or acknowledging it and it can make you feel so alone. It is like a spiral - it gets better and then gets worse again, but the awful raw pain does ease. Your parents ground you into this world and it is such a wrench and a shock when they pass - you have to rethink your place in the world and it just doesn't happen overnight, especially if you were a close family. And you want them back and miss them. Sometimes I talk to mine and it seems to help - losing them within a year of each other made the shock and pain worse, I suppose. It is hard. The bereavement threads have helped me to fell less alone. Thank you all.

Yes, it's hard to find time to deal with death and working life at the same time, especially since life doens't stop. But, anastasia, do you know how your father functioned after the deaths that he experienced? Maybe if you followed in his path, you would feel that he would approve of how you are carrying on after him? whitecloud's comment about being "grounded" by one's parents made me think that their example might go on helping us, even after they are gone....

Sorry if this doesn't help at all, and I know it can be very frustrating to have someone always try to have an answer for everything. If you just want to vent your feelings and sod suggestions, please do say so! Anything to help you deal with this.

I lost my dad suddenly, 6 years ago. He had an aneurysm in his aorta and by the time I got to hospital he'd died. Six years on it is still very difficult at times. I actually came onto this forum today because I was feeling quite low about him.

I was 39 weeks pregnant when dad died and was a grumpy hormonal bugger so don't think I was that nice to him at times for which I now feel bloody awful about.

I take some comfort in the fact that he knew I was pregnant with a girl and he picked her name (not that he knew as it was something he'd suggested in passing).

Six years on and it is easier to cope but things like anniversaries and Christmas often
leave me crying for him.

I hope things get a little more bearable for you.