Lost my dear cousin on the 21st...

[ukrainianmum]

I am not a very regular on here, I mean mumsnet... used to spent here more time couple of years ago..
On the 21st of January my dear cousin had died of pnemonia, leaving three kids where the youngest one is only 10 days old. the news killed me, i still annot believe to what have happened, seems like a long nightmare from what I cannot wake up. we were very close in the last four years, coz during our childhood our grandma didnt want us to know each other. she never loved her mum, never loved my cousin.. even after death...
i feel like part of me was cut from me wothout any anaestetics
but my main concern now are my nieces-three of them.. 8, almost 5 yo and 10 days old.they dont know about it yet...
I evendont know why I am posting this. but I have no idea how to behave with them, what to do in the time when they will know...

i just lost on my way... and even I look ok outside, i feel so bad that no words can descirbe my pain and despair

Sounds awful, UM . How is it that her children don't know? What is the children's father like? Can you offer him any support?

so sorry to hear you news x

well, she died in hopsital. and kids were not told of the sad news...so that is why that dont know. her husbadn said they are too young, but surely they are old enough to notice she is not home.. they can keep telling she is sick... but once they will have the small one home there wll be more questions ..

that is the main problem- my support. we dont live that far from each other- about 4-5 hours by bus...but I have my own life going, I am about to get married second time and my finace is in France and I am in Ukriane and we do lots of travel now..
and plus I have studies... till probably april I will be totally busy, even for my dd.
and I know he needs me, though he has cousin's mum there to help now....
but even for me to go to their house- I cannot do it, i didnt even go to funreal, i couldnt face the fact that she is truly gone... I was in such stress or distress that I had high temp....and on sedative all these days...

there are moments when I pick up the phone to call her, and only secs after I rememebr I cannot call her...
that is the first time in my life when I meet a loss. I have lost a grandma before, but she was old... and here....

It sounds like her husband isn't ready to deal with their grief as well as his own. I think you have to let him deal with it in the way he needs to, and just keep offering whatever support you can, even if it's just listening to him blather on the phone.

I'm sorry about your loss. Death of relatively young people is quite hard to accept.

I'm so sorry, what horrible news for you. Can you keep in touch with letters and postcards until you can visit? In my opinion they will want you to act normally with them, I think.

he is not a big talker, russian is not a first alnguage for him.. he is from Azerbadjan.. but very nice and caring man... they lived happily for 9 and a half years..
the only problem he was always making money and she was looking after kids.. her mum is not a woman in her sences... instead of insisting on going to hpospital she kept praying and saying that everythingis up to God.. so I am concerned about little girls.
and now th baby- i have a dd, she is almost 5 as well. but I totally forgot how to look after small ones... totally..

i am in shock and stress... and it is not getting easier with time...though it has been only 4 days since she is gone...

lljkk - i still cannot accept the death of her... and I it feels now that i will never do so.
there was a chance for her to get well... if only she would listen to me and not listen to her mother...or would not be worried so much about leaving two kids at home for two weeks. I was free and I said to her I will take them to my place till you get well... and she.... even now writing this I re-see that moment when we talked on the phone and it makes me cry.... if only she would listen to me..... she would be on recovery road now...

me myself- i dont know how to react on this loss... how to cope... I understand I cannot use sedative all the time. it is not good... but sadness that is inside of me killing me...

I would give up everything to turn back time...
it is just so unbearable

Oh my love, no no no. It is so difficult for you and you wish that things were different but you must not feel that you are somehow to blame. It is a terrible, sad and tragic thing.

I am so sorry for your loss.

and also maybe i can have an advise still on how to tell the girls, and how to behave after... what to expect and how to deal with it. they will certainly blame the little one for mum's death... the oldest one will... she is tough one with feelings...

any help or advise.. coz I look at my dd and cannot tell her of her auntie is gone... i just cannot... adn she met her few times... and there we talk about mother loss...

please, guide me thru...if you can
thank you