Any advice welcome on what to write to an old friend who has been bereaved?

[SolidGoldBrass]

I've just heard that an old friend lost her husband a few months ago. I think it would probably be intrusive to phone her as we haven't been in touch for a couple of years (no fallout or bad feeling, just life in general) so I'm writing her a letter. Is there anything I should seriously avoid saying?

SGB you are a lovely caring lady who i am sure would not say anything that could possibly cause offence (well not without it being your intention anyway)

my sympathies to you and your friend

I think you should say what comes naturally - I always think there is nothing wrong in a heartfelt letter. If it's heartfelt and not a long list of cliches, then it can't be wrong imo. A family friend lost her 18 yr old daughter some time back and I wrote to her then and I can't even remember what I put, just what came to mind at the time. I think the main thing is that the person will appreciate that you thought to write.

PErsonally, and this is only personally, what I would hate to receive would be that 'Death is nothing at all' poem, every cell in my body revolts at that sentiment - death is not nothing at all, it's one of the absolute hardest thing we humans have to deal with!

I wouldn't send her a poem (I know her well enough to know she would hate it)... am just going to write that I'm sorry for her loss, that her H was a lovely man (he was, that was obvious even though I only met him a couple of times) and that I'm here if she wants to get in touch. Just feelign a bit sad for her and a bit not-quite-guilty-but-not-right about having not been in touch for ages.

Say what you feel. If there are any specific memories you have then may be appropriate to share them as they may add a smile through tears to her difficult days.

That all sounds fine - maybe also say that you will get in touch with her soon for a chat, maybe in the next couple of weeks? That way you are offering her the chance to talk but it doesn't put all the onus on her to phone you - she might be too overwhelmed to phone others at the moment but would be glad of a call, but if you mention it in your letter then you're not ringing suddenly out of the blue IYSWIM.

Shared memories of her DH are nice to receive, just to receive a thinking of you letter, whatever the content, is good.

If you don't mind me saying so, I am here if you need me call anytime is one of the worst things to say. She may not want to call and she won't know what she needs.

Say you will call, if that is OK (gives her the opportunity to say no) and say when you will call so that she is ready for it. Berevement of a partner leaves you not knowing which was is up, and not ready to take the initiative on this type of thing.