will a funeral director do this?

[carocaro]

My Gran's funeral at a crematorium is next week. My Uncle has organised it all, so no one but him has had any say in it(paying for it with her £), we have been told in no uncertain terms to butt out and not interfer. My Dad died 10 years ago so I am the next point of contact on the family tree.

I want to be able to put a letter in her coffin, saying how I feel and goodbye, to say hello to my Dad and stuff. But I don't want wanker uncle (he's always been a twat to be honest) to know about it.

Do you think they are used to family hoo haa's and trying to accomodate? I can't see why I couldn't? I can't even bear to ask, will get DH to call them in the morning.

I can't sleep, all this is whirling in my head.

I'm so sorry about your gran - it must be tough not to be able to get involved in the arrangements.

I think calling the funeral director in the morning sounds like a great idea, I'm sure they have heard about all sorts of family hoo haa's (it must come with the job) and will be able to advise you.

Try not to worry tonight, and get a bit of sleep (says she still up at 2:45am ).

Yes, they will do it. I had a letter put into someones coffin by the funeral director and specifically asked that they didn't tell the family...I am not a family member. It was fine.

thanks, feel better now, just had a bowl of cornflakes, had a craving, used to eat cereal in the middle of the night when pregnant, but am definately definately not pregnant!

will try to go sleep now.

thanks again MN's for some middle of the night hand holding and reassurance.

Something similar happened when my dad died and his wife did her utmost to keep me and my siblings out of it. We contacted the funeral director and explained the situation. They were more than happy to accommodate us in making sure that a letter and some other things went with dad in his coffin. I would just ask them, or even, if you are going to see your Nan at the chapel of rest, ask if you can place it yourself.

I asked and they said yes.

Have written and dropped off my letter.

Funeral is on wends.

Thanks all.

carocaro - my husband is a minister and as such in involved in a lot of funerals and sees families at their best and worst in this context. I can assure you that the funeral director will have had a LOT stranger requests. Glad you got it sorted. Sorry to hear of your loss.