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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

my mum passed away on Monday

15 replies

freedom99 · 18/12/2009 03:52

My mum passed away on Monday evening i have been looking on here for help. I feel so lost the last few days have been mapped out with arrangements to make and funeral to go to but after yesterday ( thursday) there is nothing except sort mum personal stuff out. Worse thing is after school ever day we would all meet at mums house and the kids would play together but now there is no where to meet up ( no house big enough) and my brother lives in mums old house we will need to fix it up for him which means taking down mums pictures of the grandkids etc.

I feel like i don't want to carry on anymore and want to end it but know how my kids would feel. does it get any easier and did anyone feel like a small child again. now she is gone i relise how much i depended on her for advice etc and wonder who i will turn too when things go wrong.

i want to scream i hurt so much.

OP posts:

mumoverseas · 18/12/2009 04:04

oh freedom I'm so very sorry for your loss. There are a group of us on here who have recently lost a parent (don't know how to link but its the one saying '2shoes, nancy etc come over here')
I lost my lovely mum in May having already lost dad 5 years ago. It is crap and although it gets a little easier, the pain will never go away. There have been times during the last 6 months I felt I didn't want to carry on but we have to for our DC.

How old are your DC? My eldest two are 16 and 13 so knew nannie (and grandad) very well. DC3 is 3 so has vague memories of nannie but DC4 never got to meet her as she died 2 weeks before we were due to fly home to meet (we live abroad).
Although it has been 6 months, I still want to pick up the phone and talk to her. A few weeks ago DS1 (at school in the UK) texted to say he'd been made a prefect. I was so proud I automatically picked up the phone to tell mum.

The sorting out of the personal items is so very hard. I did a lot of it in the summer but also brought back huge boxes and bags of things (to my uk home). I am back to the UK in a few weeks and will have to go through them then which I'm not looking forward to although I know there will be some happy memories amongst all the sad ones.

Come and scream and talk to us. We've all been there. The problem I imagine you will find is that friends in real life who haven't suffered this loss have no idea. They almost expect you to be over it a week later (in my experience).
When things go wrong and you need to talk, come and find us. There is always someone around.

XXX

peacocks · 18/12/2009 04:47

I'm so sorry for you. Can't imagine what you are going through. I haven't suffered such a loss but wanted to send sympathy. Because I don't know what it's like I fear saying something insensitive but have only one thing really, which is how I think of my Grandad.

He was a very upright soul and full of sense, and even now I think of how he would have done things. He carries on now, when I do things the way he thought right, because of him. Your Mum is in you. With all the best for the next difficult weeks. What a terrible time to suffer this loss.

oliviasmama · 18/12/2009 05:49

it does get easier, you start to remember the nice things more often than the sad....but nearly eight years on, there aren't words to explain the utter grief, loss and insecurity I feel without my lovely Mum and this never leaves you. Sorry...

BucharestYeMerryMNers · 18/12/2009 06:49

So sorry for your loss. xxx

mmelindt · 18/12/2009 06:52

I am so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like you and your family had a lovely close relationship with your mum, perhaps that will be a small consolation for you in the weeks and months to come.

chimchar · 18/12/2009 07:08

i'm so sorry about your mum. my mum died very suddenly in july....nothing can describe it...i really thought i couldn't possibly survive the hurt....i'm 5 months on. i miss my mum terribly, and that will never change, but the overwhelming physical pain does ease, and you will smile again.

thinking of you and your family. x

CaptainUnderpants · 18/12/2009 07:14

freedom99 - so sorry for your loss . xx

Pogleswood · 18/12/2009 07:21

So sorry for your loss,Freedom. It is horrible,losing your parents - my Mum has been gone 7 years now,and my Dad 4 years,and it does get easier ,but I still miss them so much - that will never go.The sadness is more balanced now with the happy memories now though.
It's such early days for you,don't expect too much from yourself.DC's can be a great comfort,they do need you to keep going,but can be very matter of fact about everything.
Thinking of you,take care x

marymay · 18/12/2009 07:50

freedom99 ...I feel for you.My lovely mum died just over three weeks ago and my heart feels broken it was very sudden and unexpected so the family are in total shock.
Today is my birthday and should would be the first person to ring me and wish me a happy birthday ..i miss her so much.

LilRedWG · 18/12/2009 17:22

Freedom99 - Here is the thread MOS mentioned.

Try to accept every feeling you have as it comes, even it means laughing at seemingly inappropriate times or crying for two hours. I lost both of my parents in February of this year and understand how you feel.

Take care of yourself. x

LilRedWG · 18/12/2009 17:22

Marymay - feel free to join the thread too.

Lifesabitch · 18/12/2009 18:59

Freedom99 so sorry for your loss - I lost my lovely Mum in June and there are times when it's ok but am still going through a lot of 'firsts' ie found out I'm pregnant so 'first' big thing that I haven't been able to share with Mum and now it's the 'first' xmas without her....it doesn't help that I'm hormonal/emotional at the mo anyway but I am finding I'm bursting into tears quite a lot!
I miss her terribly. Hope you're doing ok.

mumoverseas · 19/12/2009 08:09

LilRed thanks for that. My new years resolution is to learn to do 'IT stuff'

Marymay and Lifesabitch so sorry for your losses.
Belated birthday wishes to your Marymay but I guess it wasn't a very happy day. I'm dreading my birthday in a week as it will be exactly a year since I saw my mum as she stayed with me last year for Christmas and then left on my birthday (boxing day) to stay with my brother.

Lifesabitch, I'm dreading this first christmas and in a way am glad I'm not back in our UK home for christmas as it would be too strange not having mum sitting at the table with us for lunch. Not bothering to cook christmas lunch this year but will do something on the 28th/29th when back in the UK with DC1 and 2 who are there.

The crying is normal, we all do it. When is your baby due lifesabitch? (congratulations on that by the way)

ApplesinmyPocket · 19/12/2009 08:39

I miss my mum terribly and it's nearly 7 years since she died - the realisation that that's it, the person who loved me most, unconditionally, always there and always supporting me, has gone forever is quite traumatic. I cling to things that were hers, so many things I use in the kitchen that were passed onto me by her and my also-much-loved Nan and each one is a little piece of those two women who looked after me and my DDs, their GCs, with such love. There's only me now! and it's hard at times.

I don't feel them 'watching over me' exactly but in a sense, they are always with me - in the way they shaped me and the memories I and my DDs have, and when you are over the shock of her dying you may be able to smile whenever you think of her and the things you did together, instead of cry - 'look at me, Mum! We miss you, but we're still here and I'm coping without you, just as you'd have wanted.'

I feel for you very much, and for all of us who've lost our mums.

notnowbernard · 19/12/2009 08:41

I'm so sorry

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