my SIL is passing away and i'd appreciate any advice for her son

[hermykne]

sadly she went into a coma on friday night and we're just waiting to hear ..
her ds was said his farewell on friday , he is 6 in january, no siblings and his poor dad very angry. they ve had immense support and even counselling.

what can i do as his aunt in law should he come home to us around christmas time.

is it wise to separate him from his father or do the need to be together, they lve in a diff country..

i'd appreciate advice from those who have had this teribly sad experience without wanting to upset anyone

I'm so sorry, unfortunatley I have no experience but my gut feeling is that father and son should definately stay together, they will need each other and if the poor boy has lost his mother the last thing he will be able to understand is why he can't be with his daddy either.

How terribly sad.

Can you explain the relationship - is this your DH's sister? I think that your nephew ought not to be separated from his father at the moment - can the two of them not come to you for Christmas?

Agree the best solution is if they both come over to you. Unless your brother/the father actively wants some time alone - but the son could be really thrown by that.

I have no experience of children losing a parent but I have of children losing a sibling.

I know its not the same but both cause immense uncertainty and confusion in children.

My feeling is that it would be much better for dad and son to stay together. It will be very hard for Dad to keep it together for his little boy and its tempting for loving friends and family to try and relieve him.
But
IME its better to stay together however hard it seems. It gives us all a reason to get up in the morning IYSWIM.

I am so sorry for this little family. If they do come to this country, Winstons Wish is an excellent organisation.

shes my husbands SIL, what you've said collectively is what i feel instinctively,
I think they should be together until my bil really needs to be alone and i guess that timewould come.
the last thing i would want is this little guy with me missing mum and his dad in another country. his gran (MIL)is in the same place as me, and his maternal family elsewhere.
BIL might come home and i would hope he would.

What about someone going to them? Then the poor boy would not be separated from his father, or be far away when his mother dies (if it happens over Xmas).

It might not be a possibility for you and your family - think costs, logistics of getting your DCs/DP there, time off, space to stay at the family's house, or a hotel nearby. However, could someone, for example MIL, go instead of spending Christmas with you? She'd have to act as hostess - do the cooking and cleaning and so on - and that's a bit of an imposition on her, but it would really help out, and she would feel less impotent in such a horrible situation.

You could contribute by paying MIL's way, or taking her to the airport and collecting her. Or if she can't go, for health reasons or whatever, you could offer to contribute to let some of SIL's family go to visit.

It does you credit that you want to help, and I hope you manage to.

Wv
shes gone, passsed away this morning at 1.30 californian time.
MIl and other BIL actually in the air trying to get there.

i think we all agree they shouldnt be separated.
thanks

Oh, no....

But I'm very glad to hear that as many as two family members are on their way.

Crying at Christmas is horrible, so I'm really sorry you'll have this pall over you. Perhaps it will bring you together and give you a Christmas of real closeness whose memory you can treasure even though it's so sad. From what you say, your family is a lovely one, all thinking of each other, and that's something to hold onto. A dear friend from university died a few years ago (he had not even reached 31), and the get-togethers for his funeral and memorial were beautiful occasions, on which we saw people we had not seen for so long, and were able to talk to his family and remember him. He really brought us all together again, which was fitting for such a sociable person. I hope you experience something similar.

oh thANK you WV.

Hi, I hope their visitors got there safely? Thinking of you all.