Dads car. Any advice.

[anastasia74]

Hi my dad died in July. Since then my mum has given my husband his car. (She has another one for her own use). I wanted her to sell it but has my husband did some work on it for him and my dad loved it - she feels we ought to keep it in the family (Its too big for her to drive).

The problem I have is that I still feel uncomfortable/tearful when travelling in it. I still look at it as my dads car and when I see it on the drive - think to myself - why is my dads car here?. Its a constant reminder that he is gone. Not that I need any really more reminder as he's always in my thoughts.

Anyone else had a similar experience of dealing with families possessions.

Yes I understand completely. It will be 3 years on Jan 3rd since my grandma died. She left me her engagement ring. It is too big for me but I can't bring myself to have it altered to fit me as it doesn't feel like it is mine to do that with. Also it won't fit her if I do. The last bit sounds silly written down but I can't help it.

The worst bit is that I remember the discussion at my great grandmas funeral when she first told me she was leaving it to me. It was something along the lines of her knowing I liked it and would wear it . One day I hope to feel diferently about it.

I can really empathise with you here: it took us quite a few months to sell Dad's car after he passed away in February this year - that was months of looking at it outside their house, and Mum looks after my DD when I'm at work so that's every day. Some days I would momentarily "forget" and think "oh good, Dad's home I wanted to ask him..." It was a real wrench to finally get rid of it but a bit of a relief too. I took it for the occasional drive myself while I was still making up my mind whether to keep it and sell my own car etc, but all in all I don't think I could have. It felt very sad to be in the car without Dad.

Hi, sorry for your loss, I hope you're OK.

I can empathise too. I kept my dad's car after he died, then four months later it was written off in an accident (not my fault!). At the time, once I'd ascertained that my passenger and I were both OK, I was relieved that the car was a write-off as I'd found it incredibly hard to look out of the window and see it parked in our drive. Like Nancy'sGarden said, just for a moment I would think "Dad's here" and it was incredibly painful.

Last year my mum died, and I've kept her car and I drive it every day. This time, although I'm still a wreck regarding her death, driving her car doesn't bother me. Probably because she hadn't had the car for very long, so I don't particularly associate it with her.

I have various household objects from my parents' house scattered around my home - plates, pictures, small bits of furniture etc - and I find it comforting to see and handle objects that are so familiar from my childhood.

I can't bring myself to get the jewellery down from the loft though, not sure why but I can't bear to see it. I do sometimes wear a scarf of my mum's (it's the only item of her clothing that I've kept) and I can still smell her perfume on it, which is both unbearably painful and extremely comforting.

I've also kept her dog! And I love this dog sooooo much - when I'm crying or feeling low, she comes and sits on my lap and I invest her with human feelings and talk to her as though she knows what I'm going through. Totally daft, but she's a living link to my mum and this really keeps me going.

I'm going to sign off now before someone calls the men in white coats!

Snap!!

When my Dad died 4 years ago my mum very kindly gave my husband his car.

It has been incredably useful to my husband, a real godsend. But last month it broke down for the last time and it was completely uneconomic to repear it so we scrapped it and bought my husband a new car. I cannot tell you how pleased I am. Even 4 years after his death I thought of it as Dad's car. I never never drove it and although it was incredibly kind of my mum and the car proved very very handy I am glad it has now gone.

It's funny how these things effect you. When my husband inherited my Dad's car we found his sunglasses in a side pocket. When we scrapped his car I put them in the same side pocket in my husband's new car. Just felt like the right thing to do.

x

I absolutely understand what you are going through.

We lost our manager and his girlfriend in the tsunami and a friend was offered his company car. She called all of us and said "what do you think, do you think it will be like thinking Bob is arriving when you see it come into the car park"?

She decided against it in the end.

And my brother in law commited suicide in September and we dont know what to do with his car. My OH doesnt want it (it is older than his and not really worth having) but we cant sell it as we cant find the log book. And also dont want to sell it anybody around here because then we might still see it.

It is a really tricky situation.

I would suggest you sell it and buy something with it, how about something for the garden? Then you can still think of that as being your dad's but without actually seeing the car.