Three months down the long, long road.

[oneofapair]

My twin died on August 27th 2009 so it will soon be three months since she left me. I try to keep busy with my wedding plans and with my new responsibilities in the family business but the dark cloud still seems to be sitting over me.

Caroline wrote this to me when she knew she was dying "Remember in the dark days you are going through that I will love you for ever and ever and I will wait here quietly for you to come to me.

Your loving twin

Caroline XXX"

I hope with all my heart that its true.

i am so sorry that you have lost your twin,i too have lost a sister .But all i can say to you is that eventually the pain will go though you will never forget.One day you will be able to look back and smile at things that were said or that you did together.Its a very short time since your sister died ,you have to allow yourself to grieve and gradually you will have more happy days then sad ones.

What an absolutely beautiful thing Caroline wrote for you. You know it is true. The only thing getting me through my daughter's death is the hope that she is waiting for me and that I will be her mum again. For that reason, I feel like there is purpose in my death and I am not afraid of it. I am so sorry you experienced this. Even though many us on this board have experienced the death of a precious and much loved person, we can never feel the pain of another. I wish you a lot of peace in the days ahead. Maybe she will visit you in your dreams. I have seen my daughter in my dreams twice now and it gave me much comfort in a way that nothing else has.

xx

I've thought a number of times about how to reply to this thread, and am now just going totake plunge, as my reaction to this has not varied:

Your sister sounds beautful and unselfish, and I was very moved at the idea that she was waiting for you "quietly", not demanding that you hurry, not demanding that you do anything in her name, as she clearly wanted you to have your life, as she would have wanted when she was with you.

With such strength of character, no doubt she would not have given you this love, had you not deserved it. So please live with her love; don't let it inhibit you; let it hold you.

Thank you for your kind messages. There is still not a day when I don't think about Caroline but yes, the pain is gradually lessening.

The support of Mumsnet readers has been a great comfort to me but it is so sad that a tiny number of members wrote nasty things (behind my back) about me and about Caroline.

I will never forgive them.