How do I support a friend after a stillbirth?

[spanishgirl]

A friend of mine has lost her nearly full term baby (35 weeks )2 weeks ago, there was no obvious reason why. I would appreciate some advice from anyone who has been either in her position or in mine as to the best way I can support her. She is not one of my closest friends so I don't want to intrude but she is a friend so I don't want her to feel she doesn't have my support. Thoughts please.

I was in a similar situation 4yrs ago,although we were very good friends.The only advice I can give is to acknowledge the baby by his/her name,talk about them if they want to and give practical help (food etc) without being asked or accepting an offer.
Go to the funeral if there is one and just be the friend you always were....so sad for your friend.

Just be there for her and let her talk.

Ask her lots of open questions and do lots oflistening. IME people don't want to ask, in case they upset you, but really it's the only thing in your head. Also, you want to know that people are acknowledging it and not ignoring it. Find a quiet time to go for a coffee perhaps. She may turn out to be a closer friend.

Hi I am very sorry about your friends loss
I lost 2 DDs after 20 wks and the most painful things for me were when people acted like nothing had happened or avoided me. I also hated hearing trivial gossip especially about other people's good fortune/pregnancies. The best friends came and talked about my girls or bought me thoughtful gifts to remember my girls which meant so much (I had a memory box and an angel charm amongst other things). If she is not a close friend maybe you could just offer your sympathy or a thoughtful card with the offer to talk if needed. I was so grateful when people I didn't know so well came up and said 'i am sorry for your loss' when people I knew actually crossed the road!!!

This happened to a friend (not close, but still a friend). It is a huge regret to me that I did not pick up the phone. I did send a card but thought that I would have nothing to offer her in terms of support. Now, years later, I think that it would have meant so much more if I had lifted the phone.
So sorry for your friend by the way.

As a mother whose baby died shortly after birth, I just want to add that I actually felt so sad for all the friends who visited because they were just dumbtruck at what happened. We could tell from their faces, from their tears, from the distances they travelled how much they cared. There was nothing that they could say or do that could really make me feel any better but their presence meant so much. We will never forget that. Don't feel like you need to do anything specific when you see them.

Don't say "you'll have another child." Many people (not our close friends) said that and I think after one has been through something so terrible, nothing is certain anymore.

Thank you so much everyone for all that you have said and the links to other places it has been really helpful. I guess the main message I have taken is that I should tell her I care and not be afraid of talking to her, maybe it's the British thing not to want to intrude! Anyhow, tonight I called her and we did talk a little, it was hard, we both cried but I think you were all right, the important thing is to make contact. Now I have done it once it feels a lot more do-able another time so I will keep it up. I really appreciate the thoughts, and am so sorry for all of you who have been through such a terrible, terrible time. It was very hard to hear such raw grief.

Well done Spanishgirl, it must have been a hard call to make but I'm sure your friend was so pleased that you phoned her.

well done for contacting them, it must have been hard for you but I'm sure will mean so much to your friend, hope they are doing OK.