my friend's cancer is now terminal - some suggestions for practical help I can give over the next few motnhs please

[deaconblue]

have posted this in chat too. Her boys are only 2 and 4 and I want to try to be as useful as possible.

Just wanted to post to wish you well. You sound like a good friend. x

From experience these things helped our family

you could offer to sit with her and help her make memory boxes for her two boys.

help her fulfl her wish list (if she has one)

offer to ring round and update friends.

look after the boys so she can have time with her husband.

let her talk and write down her thoughts and ideas for the boys as they get older (sort of a mummy manual)

help her record special messages on a dictaphone

Oh no!

Okay, suggestions:

(1) Be willing to talk about funerals and what's wanted and get a power of attorney so I could take some of the weight off the family when things needing sorting (there is a hell of a lot of admin when someone dies).
(2) Make the calls when she does die so her family don't have to.
(3) As it's so near, I would help organise christmas a bit early and if she's up to it, decorate the house or her hospital room so she can have a bit of the magic of that with her children.
(4) Let her talk/cry/rail at the world and don't hide how you feel. That is probably the most important bit. It's not okay, it's not getting better and that will be hurting all of you.

Cancer is such a cruel disease. I've lost too many friends to it

However I do know that for those friends I've lost, having people round them who were willing to pick up the reigns on whatever level, from supplying food in a digestible form, to taking the dog to the vets and choosing coffins, to more emotional support, did make the last weeks easier, so take some comfort that you can at least do these last services to your friend.

thank you so much everyone, x

Practical support with housework, cooking, errands.

But also, make sure you take the chance to tell her yourself how you will miss her, and what you will remember. It's not "practical", and will make you both cry, but you will have less to regret when she dies. As for her, if she's dying so young, she may be secretly afraid her life is emptier than she planned for it to be, that she didn't have time to fill it with so much that takes years to accomplish. But she's filled it with you, and with her family, and she has filled your lives, too...

ilovepeppapig and whomovedmychocolate - very moving suggestions about things like the memory boxes and early Christmas.