How normal is it to think bad things have happenne to your loved ones after experiencing a sudden death?

[DrNortherner]

My beloved Dad dies in April, suddennly of a massive heart attack. No ilness, no signs, just BANG - he was gone. Besides all the greif/crying/sadness etc I have this anxiety over bad things happenning to tose I love.

For example, dh is a cyclist, if he is late home from a ride I mentally prepare myself he has been in an accident and the phone will soon ring. If I phone My Mum (who now lives alone) and she doesn't answer I think something awful has happenned, if the phone rings at an odd time (early morning or late eve) I think it's bad news.

This feeling doesn't haunt me or prevent me from going about my day, but just in that plit second it seems so real.

Is this normal or am I going completley mad?

Apoloogies about crap typing - always in too much of a rush to preview.

I am sorry for your loss. I remember your threads at the time.

I am the absolute same and wonder what I am going to do next with my life now I am a widow. All because he is not home 15 minutes after normal time.

Totally normal even when a death isn't sudden ime. I lost my dad suddenly at 15 and lost my mum when I was 22 to breast cancer. I am full of what some people would call irrational fear but I feel I can never be in the 'it will never happen to me camp' like so many people are because it has happened iyswim.

Meant to say im sorry for your loss too Northerner. x

Northerner, my dad died in exactly the same way as yours 10 years ago this April. I suffer hugely with health anxiety, especially fear of dying so suddenly and leaving my DDs in the same situation I was in. I still fear for everyone I love and am a VERY anxious person.
Even after all this time I still feel his loss very keenly. He died 4mths before my wedding and never saw my children.
My sympathies are with you. The way you feel seems entirely natural to me. I did go for some counselling about 3 years ago which did help me put things more into perspective.
Good luck for the future.

It's very normal. I think losing somebody suddenly leaves you feeling very vulnerable and out-of-control. You feel that people can just be taken away and there is no rhyme or reason to it all. My mum died suddenly just after my dd was born and I spent most of my dd's first year terrified that something would happen to her too. I worry a lot more about my own health too than I used to. It does get better in time.

DrNortherner - Are you okay?

Hi I am very sorry for your sad loss. I feel like this too, after 2 stillbirths. I am consumed by worry and anxiety as I feel bad things could so easily happen. I think it is somewhat normal (after speaking to other people in my situation) especially so soon after loss. It's almost 3 years since my DD was s/b but am I still a nervous wreck about my kids.

Hi Dr Northener and others.

I can really relate to this. My dads death in July has completely changed how I feel about my life health and family.

I used to go through life thinking - bad things will never happen to us and things are never has bad as you sort of imagine them to be etc etc - when horrible things happen to people - sudden deaths etc. You think - how terrible. I felt our family unit was so safe strong and secure.

Now that has completely been blown away and I'm quite negative about situations and expect the worst to happen. We got the bad news about my dads deteration at 3 in the morning and had to go straight to hospital - when we got there he was on a ventilator and was already 'gone' as far as I was concerned.

Because of the trauma/shock of the situation we went through that night I turn my phone off at night at the moment. Hopefully eventually I will feel I can leave it on.

• makes me go cold when I think about it.

Hugs to everyone.

hey girls.

i'm exactly the same...my mum died suddenly in july. she went from being a bit poorly at home, to me getting a phone call saying she was going to hospital by ambulance and that dad would ring when he knew what ward she would be on so i could visit, to me just knowing that something wasn't right.. i made my own way to the hospital within an hour to find that she'd already died just before i got there. i was expecting to see her and take her a nightie and a book to read...... all this was within 2 and a 1/4 hours of my phone call.

i felt like i was in a bad movie...really detached and so very unbelievable.

i too feel like i can no longer take ANYTHING for granted, and am very angry and ashamed of my own naivety that "things like that don't happen to me"

i have self diagnosed a brain tumour, ovarian cancer and ms within the last few weeks...i actually went to my gp to confess all, because its so hard to live with....i've started taking prozac, which is helping with my anxiety, but it is still wayyy to hard to even think about my mum never coming back. its too unbelievable.

we still have a huge inquest hanging over us about my mums death. it should never have happened...its hard to move on while things are so up in the air...

blimey. sorry...i've talked all about me again here. its good to get it out...everyone seems to think i'm over it now...no one asks how i am...

in short, as always dr n, ana, and the other girls all about the same timing as me, i hear ya. xx

Those feelings are totally normal. I lost my 7month old twin son 27 years ago and my 7 yr old son 17 years ago. On 'bad days' I cant settle until I know DS1 is in work and DS4 is in school. If I hear any emergency service sirens I am convinced they are coming to my house. These awful feelings of anxiety do ease over time but older grief has a bad habit of biting you on the bum when you least expect it.

I am very optimistic about everything but there are times when I have to really, really work hard on that.

So sorry for all your losses.

I too feel the same, after my dad died 8 years ago, it wasn't sudden he was ill for three months and then he died. A week before he died we found out it was pancreatic cancer a "silent" killer. In my head its that we were all fine then he just died he was ill but we didn't know it.

I'm terrified of the same happening again or like you think some thing will happen to all my loved ones, I can relate to all the self diagnosis, paranoia about sirens or people being in late. When ds ws born I was terrified of cot death. I keep thinking that something is going to happen and burst my bubble, like I don't deserve to be happy anymore.

i'm not sure how to help you but like a lot of people have there are good days and bad days (often hormone related I think) The logical part of my brain tells me to stop wasting time worrying about things you cant prevent happening but sometimes it is very hard not to. I've found it helpful to know other people feel the same, I sometimes think I am not normal for how I feel about stuff.

I hope that all of you find what you need x.

Hello

Sorry to hear about your loss, I feel exactly like you I lost my dad suddenly 4 years this Dec and it is still like a shock to me and my family. We go on with our everyday lives but that gap is there.
I find it difficult talking about what happened but just like you i always worry about losing loved ones and ending up alone.
I have a daughter who is 7 months old and it really hurts that my dad has not seen her, I am here if you need to talk.

Lots of hugs xxx

I think this is totally normal as it has happened to me. I drove my friedsn to the scene of their son's accident and he died the next day. It effected me in many ways, my pg friend rang my phone and I thought she was rining to say she had lost the baby, my nanna took to long to answet the door and I thought that I would ahve to bang down the door and would find her dead. It also effected me in other ways, a couple of months later I went to alton towers and was so scared when i ahve alwyas loved the scary rides, in fact I was having visions of final destination type accidents happening to me and my friends.

Its called PTSD isnt it? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

My brother died 30 years ago and I found his body along wiht my mother (I was just 3). Both my mother and are like this still.

Not sure how you get over it. Had 6years of therapy for many things and i still assume the worst.

When my DD was tiny baby I'd feel relieved everytime i went to her and she was breathing. In fact Im still like that now...

Sorry you feel like this.

I haven't experienced this but cannot see how it wouldn't be completely normal.

Sorry about your dad, drnorthener