First Christmas without dad - getting a bit anxious about it- any advice.

[anastasia74]

Hi

Anyone with any advice on how to cope - make first christmas without dad bearable. Any point in going away. Trying not to follow usual routine/house we normally all have dinner.

Dreading it.

Thanks

if you went away you would still be sad. I think its best to acknowledge his death and honour it. for example if you are religous light a candle at church or if not have a prominant picture of dad around, make a star with his name on with your children - if you have any - and hand on xmas tree and give some money to charity in his name.

sorry for your loss. Will be my first Xmas without my Nan who was closer to me than my mother who also died a couple of years ago and i shall be going to church and lighting a candle.

It is bound to be raw, but honestly I would stay home and if anything stick to the normal traditions.

I still remember the first Christmas after we lost my dad (22 years ago now, I was 18). My mum and I went to her brother's - they made us very welcome but it was a mistake, we needed to be at home to be able to feel however we wanted without putting on a brave face. Subsequent Christmasses have been bittersweet.

Take care of yourself.

Oh Ana, you saved me from starting the exact same thread. I am thinking the same as you.

My Mum is cming to us, and dh's dad and step mum have invited us all to them for dinner, but after reading this I think we need to stay at home so we can feel how we want to feel.

Custy - I love your idea about a star with Dad's name on, I am goiing to get ds to make one this year for our tree.

Ana, I don't think anyone can give any advice to us. We just have to go with it, but I'm dreading it too. xx

Oh Ana, you saved me from starting the exact same thread. I am thinking the same as you.

My Mum is cming to us, and dh's dad and step mum have invited us all to them for dinner, but after reading this I think we need to stay at home so we can feel how we want to feel.

Custy - I love your idea about a star with Dad's name on, I am goiing to get ds to make one this year for our tree.

Ana, I don't think anyone can give any advice to us. We just have to go with it, but I'm dreading it too. xx

Ana and DrNortherner, I'm in the same boat as you this year.

Lost dad 5 years ago and mum nearly 6 years ago. we are abroad at the moment and are not going home for Christmas but the new year. We were 'home' last year for Christmas and had mum staying with so I'm really glad things will be different this year as couldn't cope with sitting around our dining room table where mum sat last year.
We have to 'do' Christmas for DD aged 3 so she will be really excited and its DS's first Christmas so have to try to make it special

Custy's idea is good and Evelong, your post had brought tears to my eyes.

I hope we can all get through it together x

Hi thanks for your comments everyone.

Everlong. - Hope that this year it will be a little easier for you and your family.

After thinking about it and talking to mum and dh I think we will be stopping at home for christmas day - then there is no pressure is there. We can just be how we want to be.

I know it will be so hard for us all -Especially mum.

Dr Northerner. yes your right there are no solutions. Just got to get through it.

Hugs to everyone.

Another one here who was thinking of starting this thread, so I know where you are coming from. It's my first Christmas without my parents and Dad's birthday is also Christmas Day.

DD is 3.6 and really gets Christmas this year so I'm going to do my best to revel in her and concentrate on not letting her see my sadness.

DH has been prewarned that once she is in bed I may meltdown somewhat but he'll look after me. I did suggest that he and DD went to his parents for the evening and stayed overnight so that he wouldn't have to be around that on Christmas Day, but he has refused.

Custy - am also liking the star for the tree. I wil ask DD to make it with me for Granny and Grandad.

Hi Ana - think I'm with those who say it's better to acknowledge how you're feeling and go through it - (also with you, lost my dear Dad this year, and an uncle and my Grandad most recently.) It's painful on a daily basis and more so at special times but the more I bury how I feel the more it comes out in headaches (even migraines sometimes) or outbursts of anger, which really isn't me.

But the children will be a beam of light for us all and help us remember the joy.

Maybe set an extra place at the table and drink a toast?