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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

have lost my first born son,he was stillborn at 33wks

73 replies

shelly24 · 12/06/2005 21:33

Hello everyone,
I'm new to this message board,i'm looking to chat with anyone who has recently lost a baby through being stillborn or who knows what its like from past experience.I'm 24 and lost my first born son Rhys to a liver complication and a condition called hydrops fetalis at 33wks.I've never felt pain so intense and am really having up and down days right now It would be nice to talk with others that have been through this too,I have a really supportive husband,but it would just be nice to hear from some women too.
thanx,hope 2 hear from someone,shelly24.x.x

OP posts:
Original poster
shelly24 · 12/06/2005 23:18

Thank you for the kind words about my poem,it really means alot to me.x
Yeah,my mum would have been a great support for me and i miss her terribly...
To Bron42,Yeah i think our lives are mapped out to,things that happen in our lives DO happen for a reason,I strongly believe that,I believe that Rhys passed away peacefully,without any pain,and in the comfort of my womb,(am crying now,thinking about it ),Its hard to say and even accept,but I feel he knew how ill he was,and passed away peacefully.....i so wish he was here though,nothing can take that pain away,all i wanted was a baby,its still all i want.x

OP posts:
mollymay · 12/06/2005 23:45

a truly moving poem. I'm so sorry for your loss xx

Janh · 12/06/2005 23:54

Your poem made me cry, shelly. I'm so sad that Rhys died. I agree with moondog, I think jangus and you could help each other a lot, Lilli-Mae was her first child too - this was her first thread about her stillbirth. There is also bubble99 - she had twin sons, Elijah and Bo, and Bo was stillborn - this is her thread.

I hope reading their stories will give you some help and support and strength for the future. mumsnet is great for that. XXX

burstingbug · 13/06/2005 00:11

Shelly,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Your poem is beautiful, it moved me to tears reading it.
I hope you recieve all the support you need (and your family). I hope the pain and the grief will ease for you in time.

Your angel will be in my thoughts as will you and your family.
xxxxxxxxxx

MamaMaiasaura · 13/06/2005 00:12

Shelly I am so so sorry that Rhys was born asleep. Thinking of you all at this time x x x

JoolsToo · 13/06/2005 00:13

so sorry for your loss shelly

Redhelen · 13/06/2005 02:48

Shelly
I was just looking through Mumsnet - feeling sorry for myself as preganacy alliments are keeping me awake. I saw your message and particularly your poem - and quickly stopped moaning. I had a late miscarriage last year - it was very painful. I hope you will give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve - when your preganant you dream of your future together with your new child and losing this is a pain most intense. I'm glad your talking freely about it - it really does help.Loads of love helenx

lucykatie · 13/06/2005 10:10

god bless you all.

your poem has touched my heart and my love goes out to you.

be happy and never will you forget your little man.

Puff · 13/06/2005 10:12

Shelly, I'm so sorry you lost your precious little boy .

As others have said, you will find much support and understanding on Mumsnet.

yoyo · 13/06/2005 10:29

I'm so sorry you lost little Rhys. Reading your poem has reduced me to tears and reminds me yet again of the fragile thread that binds us to this life. Sending you and your husband love and hope at this very sad time.

gossifer · 13/06/2005 10:37

dear shelly
i'm so sorry about little Rhys, all my thoughts and cuddles and love for you and your family
thankyou so much for sharing your poem with us all - i have tears streaming down my face as i type, you have a beautiful way with words
xxx

Lizzylou · 13/06/2005 10:38

Shelley your poem is beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss xxx

jangus · 13/06/2005 10:41

Shelly,

I am so sorry you lost your precious little boy Rhys. Life will be very hard for you at the moment, and no words can make it better.

The poem you wrote for Rhys is beautiful, really heartfelt, you are obviously very talented. It is also a good way to express your feelings and they say that writing things down does help, maybe that's why MN is so good for us (?).

Like you I also have a memory box, it is quite small, but I have Lilli-Mae's scan photos, the pregnancy test (I know, yeuk!), her little hospital bracelets, my hospital bracelets, photos, her first little dress and her little hat, a print of her hand and one of her foot etc. It is my most precious possession now. I also have some photos of Lilli-Mae up in the living room and we gave the grandparents a photo in a lovely frame which they have up.

I hope you are getting lots of support.
Much love to you and yours.

CAT me if you like,
XxX j

Miaou · 13/06/2005 10:45

Shelly, your poem was so eloquent and poignant - I imagine I am in the majority of mothers who have never experienced such a loss, yet your words really touched me. Keep talking - you'll find mumsnet a bedrock at this time.

beag · 13/06/2005 10:52

Dear Shelly

I lost my little girl (stillborn) with no reason 6 months ago yesterday 12th.. I was 32 weeks quite how I got through the first few months I dont rememeber but it does get easier to get up each day and do normal things its not something you can force yourself to do and it happens so slowly that you dont even notice that you are coping. My love goes out to you at this time and I will be thinking of you and your little boy.
Beag x

Fio2 · 13/06/2005 10:58

Shelley i am so sorry to hear your little boy has died. You poem is lovely, very moving. I hope you find some peace and mumsnet is always very supportive. Look after your self x

Fio2 · 13/06/2005 11:00

Sorry, i forgot to say. Yes alot of people have miscarriages and stillborn babies and dont talk about it. i think the pain of the loss is so great that people dont feel strong enough to talk about it unless they have a sense that they are helping others and someone likeminded they can share their feelings with. My cousin's first daughter was stillborn and it took her a long time to come to terms with it. it is a very hard time for you both

wishingchair · 13/06/2005 11:02

Shelly - I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your poem is lovely - said everything I wanted to say. I lost my little baby boy half way through my pregnancy and like you found some comfort in thinking that he passed away painlessly safe and cocooned in my womb and that he is now safe and being looked after. It still makes me cry to think of him dying but like someone else said, it does get easier and you will be able to face your life in time and think about Rhys with a smile. Take each day at a time and do whatever you need to do to cope. Sending you a big hug. xxx

spacecadet · 13/06/2005 11:30

shelley your poem made me cry its lovely, i see you have read jangus'sthread she hasrecently experienced the grief of stillbirth, hopefully you can perhaps support each other.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/06/2005 15:52

Hello Shelly

I too am new to this site and have also just lost a baby. My daughter Philippa was born 05.04.05 and she died a few days eariler.Her movements stopped at 25 weeks and a scan confirmed she had died. The consultant said her death was unexplainable. I am feeling a little lost but am blessed with a healthy girl lucy who is 19 mth who without I could not have survived.

Sending you lots of hugs

jane
xx

MarsLady · 13/06/2005 16:13

Shelly, Chocolatepeanut, I'm so sorry for your losses

I'm sure you'll find many wonderful women on this site to walk with you through your pain and grief!

Nbg · 13/06/2005 16:16

So so sorry, Shelly and CP

Like ML said there are lots of lovely Mnetters who have sadly gone through the same thing and I'm sure they will be able to offer you some advice and support.

Original poster
shelly24 · 13/06/2005 16:55

Dear everyone who has responded to my messages...thank you so much,I only started to write on this board last night and already i feel incredibly supported!! It really can make a difference to you day to hear comforting words from people who know how you feel...you really aren't alone are you?...I was beginning to think i was...am off for some fresh air,have been stuck indoors all day..but will talk more this evening...i wanted to write about Little Rhys' conditions,and hopefully someone might be able to help me understand why it happened,and so late into my pregnancy?...(sorry,head is still very mixed up and confused by everything!)...spk soon...s.x

OP posts:
berolina · 13/06/2005 20:38

Shelly, CP, so very very and sorry that you lost your precious babies.
I am sure they knew how much they were loved.

bubble99 · 13/06/2005 21:14

Shelly.

Please CAT me if you want to. If you look at the top of the screen you will see 'Contact another talker'. Click on that and it will tell you what to do.

One of my healthy twin sons, Bo, died at full-term (39 weeks)during a botched labour in February. His twin brother Elijah survived. I can imagine what you're feeling right now. It's almost a physical pain isn't it?

You have found the best place ever to come and talk about it. There is someone on mnet at all hours so post anything you want to say, no matter how trivial you might think it is. Nothing about the death of a baby is ever trivial of course but the oddest things can occur to you that you need to talk about and here is definately the place to do it. You'll also find areas in mnet which will make you smile and (sometimes) laugh out loud, even when you're feeling so bad and this is important too. It's often difficult to have lighter moments in RL (real life) after something so awful has happened but it has helped me a lot. Laughing one minute and sobbing the next. Both will get you through this.

Thinking of you, your husband and your darling Rhys.

BubbleXXXXXXX

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