Knowing that people care enough to reply means a lot thank you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but to know I'm not alone with these thoughts and feelings helps a bit to make me feel less alone and insane.
I'm seeing a bereavement counsellor, but although each session is a chance for me to talk things through and that helps, I am sadder at the end than when I went and it throws me off balance for a day or so after. That is the only real support I have. I dont have anyone to talk to or lean on, I dont want to upset my dad too much, he cant handle it. The only other person I thought I could rely on has just gone, which is adding to the pain.
Stuffitllama (great name!) thank you, I am trying very hard to do as you said, my mums wisdom and words and care are still with me I know, Im trying to keep going for her and my dad, and I dont want to let them down.
Chimchar, Lifesabitch, SalVolatile and Anastacia, Im so sorry you're going through this too, I lost my mum in May, not long ago at all yet its coming up to 5 months.. I wish none of us had this pain, I wish something could make it go away. I suppose it is just a case of taking one day at a time and trying to get by.
Love and hugs to all who replied.