Please help us help our son.

[FabulousBakerGirl]

Sorry to post and run but I have a doctor's appointment.

Our son is 8 and 18 months ago his Great Nanny died. He was very upset but seemed to be coping pretty well. He would say he missed her and get a bit upset but nothing for us to worry about.

Last week he was upset and wanted me to ask the fairies to bring her back. I sent him to my PIL (he was happy to go) and my MIL spent some time talking to him and also gave him a treasure chest of some of her things, spent some time in her house and painted some pictures with her paints. He came home and seemed fine.

For a while he has been back chatting, full of attitude and being a pest to his siblings. All normal 8 year old behaviour as far as we know. No worries at school.

This morning I wanted him to carry one thing for me and had shouted at him a few times over his behaviour. He then burst into tears over carrying the water bottle and kept dropping it. I felt the tears were OTT and asked him what was wrong.

He said I knew what was wrong but I asked him to tell me so I got the right thing. I knew it was either GN or to do with fairyland. It was GN.

I have spoken to his teacher and TA this morning to let them know and to see if they can advise and the TA felt 18 months at this age was a life time and she would expect him to have moved on by now.

I don't buy that really as every child is different and I know I can't believe my Nana has gone and it was 4 years last week.

How can we help him?

I think there are 2 separate issues as he isn't that devious to play up and then try and get out of it by saying he is upset about GN. He is a sensitive chap and my heart just breaks for him.

Sorry this is so long. I got half way through and then lost it so apologies if this gets posted twice.

I have to go out now but I will check back later if anyone has any ideas.

The TA also said take him to the GP but DH and I aren't sure what he would/could do and DH also said he doesn't think he needs grief counselling.

Thank you.

Ah, poor little boy.
As you say everyone grieves differently, he is obviously still upset over the loss of his great grandmother.
I think grief counselling may well work, could you look into it, perhaps they have specialist counsellors who deal with Children and their grief?
He sounds like a lovely, sensitive boy.

I think for a start you actually need to talk to him about death. Where have you actually said his great nanny has gone? At 8 years old he is old enough to be told the truth. Maybe he is confused by the fairyland stuff?

He has experienced the death of animals and knows exactly what death is. He has been to her grave and knows he won't be seeing her again.

The fairy land thing is just something he enjoys reading about and obviously sees it as a magical place and I am guessing he was hoping the magic of fairy land would mean he could wish for GN to come back.

my grandaughter is six,her brother died when she was four ,we told her he had gone to heaven ,it took her ages to relise he was never coming back, we took her to cemetry and explained that this is where he lives now,that he cant come back ,its hard,we did find books very good on explaining things .

Have a look here FBG

www.winstonswish.org.uk/

I think it seems your TA has not lost anyone close to them. Unfortunately I had no idea about bereavement until it happened to me then I realised how ineffectual I had been to/for all of my friends/colleagues who had experienced bereavement. 18 months is a long time in an 8 year olds life but bereavement is not something you just "move on" from.

It is 2 years since DDs brother died and sometimes just completely out of the blue she will be sad about it. Maybe the visit last week has just brought things to the forefront of his mind, not a bad thing I hasten to add but just reminded him of what he has lost and reminded him of his sadness.

Thank you.

He asked me a couple of times if we could go off into a corner and have some time together. He said he was upset today so I put my arms out for a cuddle and his dad is taking him on a boys day out on Sunday so they can have a chat together.