Went to my Dad's 'garden' today...

[cupofteaplease]

We went to visit my mum today. My Dad died last March. My dd 1 (3) was desperate for a sleep over and my mum seemed keen for the company so I agreed. As we drove away from her cul de sac, I looked back to see dd and Mum waving at our car, and I wept. My dad should have been there too. dd loved him so much and he worshipped her in return. My mum is only 61 and all alone. They cut such a lonely figure, my mum, dd1 and mum's dog.

I stopped off at my dad's grave garden and broke down. He was 55- I am 27. We were both too young to be parted and the pain is so raw. dd2 is 23 months and doesn't remember the fantastic man that was her grandfather. He was such an intelligent man and the world is a lesser place without him.

I feel exactly the same about my mum and all I can do about it is make sure that my 3 dds know all about her through me

am so sorry for your loss, its all quite senseless sometimes isn't it

SO sorry you are feeling sad tonight.
It is still early days. It will get easier.
It is my Dad's 4th anniversary this week and I hate the fact that ds never met him and that my Mum is alone and only got a few years of retirement with him. On the whole though, the pain is not as intense, so hang in there.
Are you able to talk about him a lot? I found it so theraputic.

xxxxxxx

Talk about him and talk to him - I've had long conversations with my Dad in my head. It does get easier to cope with, it really does.

Thanks so much everyone. My mum turned 60 exactly a week after he died. She had worked so hard 'in service', for a lord and lady, working every weekend, every Christmas Day and Easter al through my childhood. They were looking forward to her retirement to spend some time together after all those years, and he was taken so cruely just before.

He was one of this country's leading astronomers and the world of physics has lost a great mind. I have lost a remarkable father and the pain is still immense.

nickytwotimes, dizzydixies and Hassled- I'm sorry for yor losses too. I think this is why I love MN. I have never met anyone in real life who has lost a parent so sometimes (most of the time) I feel so alone in my grief. I'm sorry you have been through the same, but I'm happy to see the pain eases.

cupofteaplease, I found that the pain was at it's worst around the year to two year mark. The crisis period is passed and you are in full grief mode.
Let yourself feel sad and angry and everything else that comes. I knwo for a long time I needed to hang on to those feelings in order to feel I was honouring my Father. I think that is quite normal and probably part of the healing process. I didn't want to get over it/come to terms with it. But gradually it becomes bearable.
Please know you are not alone. I got quite a lot of support here in the years following Dad's death and i still do at times like this, when his anniversary is approaching.

nickytwotimes I agree completely. My mum passed away in July and I had to bury her 2 days before I had DD3. I coped because I had to and now all of a sudden I really feel it more.

cupofteaplease please don't feel you ever need to be alone with this, it will get easier and your dad sounds like a wonderful man - am sure he will shine through in your DC

Cupofteaplease, I'm so sorry . I know that feeling when you leave and your heart just sinks. My mum died four years ago tomorrow and some days are still unbearably hard but I can think of her now with a smile as well. It takes time though.

My mum died before my dad and her had a chance to enjoy the retirement they had hoped for. My dad now has a "lady-friend" and it is heartbreaking for me to see them doing things together when it should be my mum doing them .

My dd was 9 weeks when my mum died but dd said to me this evening that nanny was going to get wings and fly down from the sky to the road, ring the bell and I was going to say "Hello mummy"! She's only four, bless her!

Talking to my mum and the photos I have of her seems to help me. It makes me feel as if she's still around.

Cupof tea, I know exactly how you feel. I find it very hard to go to my mums house nowadays as it seems so empty that Dad is not there. He died last May, 3 weeks after my son was born.

Can't describe how I feel very well, but heartbroken seems a good word to describe it... He was so proud of my dd (5) and got to hold his gorgeous grandson even though he was very ill. It breaks my heart to think that he will miss them growing up and they will not know him.

I have waves of upset and tears and also moments of reflection when I sit and smile remebring moments we shared...

Oh cupoftea I feel exactly like you. My lovely lovely dad died only 5 weeks ago and the pain I feel that he is not around is all consuming.

It is so unfair to lose our dads so young (although mine was a bit older at 65) and for our mums to be alone. Last night my mum said to me that if she lives to be the age of her mum (80) she will have lived 20 years without my dad. That just seems so wrong to me.

No words of advice, only buckets of sympathy.