A bereavement counselling question....

[evaangel2]

My sisters boy passed away(my nephew) earlier this year...ok she was offered the counselling which she attended, after speaking to her the other day she feels its not working as it is making her cry all the time..she has feelings of anger, guilt and helplessness

Does counselling normally bring out these feelings or is it just the grieving process?

evaangel, so for you and your sister (and family) for the loss of this boy.

I can't answer specifically for bereavement counselling but I can give you my experience of both things individually.

Bereavement - the grieving process is a long one. Everyone has their own timescale, but in general a year is the minimum time that it would take to come to terms with the loss - you have all the special dates in the year to deal with, and each one will bring a renewal of the pain of loss that your missing person isn't there to see it/experience it with you. So your sister is still well within that time frame. There is a 5 step process for grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It sounds as though your sister is still in Step 2, therefore she has a way to go yet.

Counselling - well, depending on the type of counselling, that can take a long while too but is likely to bring out all your emotions, so yes, crying is a big part of it. Allowing yourself the space to really "get in touch with" your feelings and inner thoughts often releases what is really going on inside - although your sister might not feel it is helping, that release will prevent her from holding it all in (which isn't necessarily good for her health). Letting it out is beneficial for her in the long run.

So I would say the crying is quite normal for the counselling process; the anger etc. are quite normal for the grieving process and therefore your sister is progressing in a healthy manner. I hope she finds some comfort.

Thankyou thumbwitch for your link and reply.

I think the feelings of guilt come from his admittance into the hospital, maybe the "if I had checked on him sooner" he may not of died, but medical professionals have told her that this was not the case.
my sister went into auto pilot, cared for him night and day whilst he was on life support, this must of really taken its toll on her and her husband, they were all so brave, he was taken off life support and they brought him home to die, 2 weeks later he passed over

Reading the link put things in a greater perspective and i thankyou for that.

The anger & guilt is over whelming my sister at the moment
anger at herself
anger at the professionals
but this i know will pass

thanks again

I am so sorry to hear about your nephew .I lost my son in 2001 and it took me over a year before I went for councelling and then later therapy to try and come to terms with it . I would say it is normal to feel worse before you feel better . It is the hardest thing to go through and as much as I am sure councelling will help your sister is still in early days I would say .

The 5 stages of grief are well documented but I just wanted to add that they are a guide and as much as I did go through all 5 , I probably jumped from one to another on an hourly basis sometimes so just because someone stops being sngry , for example , doesn't mean they won't go back to feeling that way .

If you think it would help her to talk to other mums who have been through this then please point her in the direction of the bereaved mums thread on here . We are all at different stages but nothing she could say would surprise us and at least one of us has probably felt the feelings she is going through at the moment .

Also The Compassionate Friends is a really good support group . They have a website and a closed forum for bereaved parents where she may feel safer .

Hope you are ok too , I know this hits the whole family x