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Bereavement

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Support for recently widowed Dad with 2 children - what is available.

11 replies

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 14:22

My friend's sister died from cancer 2 weeks ago. I have just got back from the funeral where her two beautiful children wrote tribute poems (which the 10 year old daughter read). I think it was one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed.

What support is out there for her husband. I know about the WAY foundation because unfortunately my best friend is a member but she is a woman without any children. Is there anything out there for specifically for dads at all? I don't really know him that well buy I promised my friend I would see what kind of support there was out there.

Thank you

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newgirl · 07/05/2009 14:27

i don't know much about it but Gingerbread rings a bell - perhaps google them?

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 14:44

Thanks newgirl, i thought Gingerbread was more geared towards separated or divorced parents so hadn't thought about them. I will go and have a look at what they do.

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GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 21:51

bump

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fryalot · 07/05/2009 21:54

Hi twofalls, how lovely of you to want to help this famiily.

If there is a child under five in the family, then Home Start can be a really good help, they offer support and advice in the family's own home; but unfortunately they are only available to families with a child under five.

You could also speak to Sure Start to see if there are any dads' groups or bereaved parents' groups in the local area.

Winston's Wish are a charity specifically geared at helping children cope with bereavement, he may find it useful to contact them.

hth

katz · 07/05/2009 21:57

i know WAY does support men too, it for all widows and widowers and for those with children. My MIL was instrumental in getting it up and running - she met her next husband their, they have a large number of male members.

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 22:06

Thanks squonk and Katz. He doesn't have a child under 5 - they are 8 and 10 i think. I have a feeling Winston's Wish may have already played a part because she knew her cancer was terminal for quite some time so I think they did as much as they could to prepare the children. However, in case it wasn't WW, I will look into it for them thank you. Also worth contacting sure start to see what is out there, I hadn't thought of that either.

I will definitely suggest WAY. My friend has found the forum very supportive although she hasn't been to any events as such. Its good to know that the group does support Dads too.

I just feel so much for them. I went through a lot of this 18 months ago when my friend's DH died but they didn't have children so it feels like some of their needs are a bit different.

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DadInsteadofMum · 08/05/2009 09:39

Unfortunately (well fortunately really) we are few and far between. However, once I joined WAY I found out there were a few more than I realised, and to be honest the most useful thing I have got from WAY is realising I am not alone.

The WAY forum and chatroom are very useful, personally I find the local meets less useful as it is true that there are more widows than widowers out there.

GColdtimer · 08/05/2009 09:45

Thanks dadinsteadofmum, and I am so sorry that you are in this position too. I will pass on details about the WAY foundation and will reassure him that Dads do use the chat room and forums and that he might find some support and comfort there. As an aside, my friend also finds the meet ups less useful because most people who go in our area have children but she also finds the forum really supportive.

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retiredgoth2 · 08/05/2009 10:05

.....next to diddly-squat, I am afraid.

The WAY foundation wasn't much use for me, as all its events were evening meets it was impossible for me to attend as I was without urchin care. Others have, I know, found it very supportive, though....

Winston's Wish is often mentioned. They do have a website which is well maintained and may aid some children. They also have a phone service, which I phoned twice. The advice given was unhurried and sound.

However, they are a regional charity (Gloucestershire) and not funded for national work. They could only have intervened with the urchins had I, or the PCT paid (some thousands, I asked). The PCT would not pay as there is a more local service, which at the time was full and not accepting admissions...

CRUSE is ok for adults, but I think definitely not for children.

Your friend may have more luck than me, especially if a hospice was involved. These tend to have specific bereavement services in place, often employing people with specific child counselling skills.

(Mrs Goth keeled over and snuffed it due to cardiomyopathy, so not relevant to us)

.....this site was of great aid to me. I no longer use it (you poor buggers on this site have the dubious pleasure of my company instead) but the folks there aided me greatly, both online and in person. There is an associated Google group with a chatroom, too. It won't appear on a search engine but if your friend were to post on the site I linked to, he would be helped to find it.

...hope this is of aid.

onlyjoking9329 · 08/05/2009 10:33

hello, sorry to hear about about the death of your friends sister.
i am a member of WAY and have found it useful thou not really able to do any of the family stuff i do go to the local meals out and went to the AGM weekend, the forum is good and i use the chatroom in the evenings quite a bit.
there are quite a few dads that use the forum and chatroom, depends on the area as to if there are any local dads, our local group has just one dad, i am often the odd one out as most of our local members dont have children.
do the family have any support from the macmillan nurses?
we had a huge amount of support from ours during steves illness and this has continued since his death but our mac nurse does bereavement stuff too.
school may have links with a bereavement nurse.
give me a shout if you think i can help in anyway.

GColdtimer · 10/05/2009 15:35

Thank you both for your responses. I never realised you were a widower retiredgoth, I am sorry to hear about MrsGoth. My friend uses the merryme site - I'd forgotten about that one.

I might just show him this thread actually. It might even be the first step to realising that sadly he is not alone.

OJ - the family had a lot of support from the macmillan nurses so I am glad to hear they can be of continued help. Its strange that the different WAY regions are so different isn't it? I hope you and your family are coping OK and thanks for the offer.

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