Three months have passed

[LilRedWG]

It's three months today since my Dad died - a quarter of a year - and I still feel as though I am not even getting anywhere near to mourning him. I feel so confused. Immediately after Dad's death, Mum was my concern and then when she died two weeks later I think I went into a bit of shock, now I feel confused and still don't believe that they've gone. I miss them so much at the same time though and feel so tearful today (and many other days).

My eldest sister is struggling so much to cope and her daughter is coming to me for advice on helping her Mum and I just don't know what to do. I am trying my hardest to help everyone, whilst carrying on smiling for DD, who is three next week, and trying not to put too much on DH as he has been a star these last months.

No need for replies, just needed to get it out somewhere - and MN is the place for that.

Three months tomorrow since Mum died. I keep finding myself thinking, "This time three months ago...".

I wish I could go back and tell Mum how much I would miss her. I love her so much.

LilRedWG I am so sorry for your losses. I've lost both my parents too; Dad 4 yars ago, Mum last year. It totally sucks, and to lose both your parents so close together is absolutely awful for you, and my heart goes out to you.

A couple of things I have realised over the past few years:

It's a cliche, but time is a healer (to a certain extent). However, there is no set period of time; everyone is different. Don't let yourself think "I should be feeling this by now" etc etc as we are all different and we all grieve differently. Your way is the right way.

Kids are great for keeping us going when we've lost a loved one, but keeping going for their sakes can also cause us NOT to grieve when we need to. It is important to try to get some time to yourself so you can do something that you enjoy, or cry/scream/shout, or just sit and do nothing - whatever YOU need. Are you able to get some time to yourself each week? - do you have childcare/friends/other family who could help a bit? You don't need to go into reasons why you need the help!

Cruse Bereavment Care are absolutely superb - they provide free grief counselling and, having had two courses of counselling with them, I cannot rate them highly enough. They even come to your house if you want, so childcare is not an issue. Here is their website: www.cruse.org.uk

It has only been three months since you lost your parents, and that really is no time at all; you must be feeling absolutely raw. It might be too early for you to have counselling, but on the other hand it might not - just do what feels right for you.

I'd be very happy to chat/email you if you ever need to - just let me know.

Sending you love & hugs (if I'm allowed to do that on here) x x

LilRedWG is it really 3 months.
I do know what you mean, my db and I still feel we havn't grieved, there has been so much to do with the house.
sending you love

Thanks both. Mummydragon - I am sorry for your losses and thank you for posting so candidly. Macmillan have offered the whole family counselling but I don't feel the need yet, maybe I will later, I don't know at the moment.

2shoes, m'old mucker, I think of you often and wonder how you are doing. x