PREGNANT AFTER STILLBIRTH

[beag]

Hi
I have just found out that I am pregnant, my daughter was stillborn in December and although there was no reason for her death I am so worried that it is going to happen again.

Beag, it does sound you could do with a third party to talk to, its natural you will feel frightened, i was virtually hysterical towards the end of my preg with ds2 because he wasnt moving much and i was convinced he would die like sam did.Im assuming that you will be under the consultant team at the hospital and they will be aware of your previous experience, so they will take special care of you and your baby.{{hugs}}, i understand that feeling of utter despair that it may hapen again though.

Thanks Marina I think i will ask the hospital for my care there.
Last time I went to st georges for CVS but dont want to this time, what do you think, i am 39 i wont do anything even if it is ds it would only be so i know??
dont know why i am worrying about that !!! my last baby took nearly 10 years to conceive this one took 3 months?
Sorry for such a strange message but do feel strange at the moment. Love beag

Congratulations!

So sorry to hear about your stillbirth in December. A very close friend of mine also had a stillbirth at 40 weeks with her first baby. IIRC she was induced with baby 2 and baby 3 at 38 weeks as she was so anxious and she has had 2 gorgeous healthy babies

All the luck in the world to you beag.

Sorry beag - I only read your original post so didn't realise others were talking to you about your anxieties - you'll get lots of wonderful support and advice on MN so stick with it if you can.

Lots of love and luck.x

beag, you poor love. It is a really weird time, no doubt about it Once you have one baby die, you find it so hard to believe anything will ever go right again
We did decide not to go the invasive testing route as we too would not have terminated on a diagnosis of DS, although I think we would have done so with Patau's or Edwards as these are not normally compatible with life after birth. I was 39 too and although it didn't take us ten years to conceive Tom it had taken two and a half and they had seemed like an eternity. So to get pregnant, like you, three months later, was actually a physical shock.
With regard to diagnostics, a nuchal scan and the anomaly scan at around 20 weeks can give you a lot of clues if there is a problem, without risking a miscarriage. We were keen to find out if at all possible if our baby had DS, so as to be prepared. Luckily the nuchal put our minds at rest on this one - I do hope your hospital offers it.
I know the mums who turned to our bereavement midwife were very happy with the arrangement - she was a lovely person with good clinical skills as well as caring ones - there is only so much use that hand-holding can be, nice though it is. I asked for her help sometimes when it was clear my community team were just too short-staffed to humour my anxieties, and she was always great. I really hope you can access this kind of care too. You deserve every ounce of antenatal TLC going. Try and be assertive about asking for it if it is not offered.
Is St George's your likely birth hospital?
Strange is normal post-stillbirth. Don't feel hesitant about posting for advice or support or just a few hugs on here. Sadly, all too many of us have some idea of how you might be feeling. Take care XXX

hELLO, I just wanted to sAY CONGRATS ON YOUR PREGNANCY. I think it;s very hard to deal with a new pregnancy when the memories of the previous one (s) are there. I found it very tough because at the forefront of my mind all the time was the loss. My babywas eventually born in Aug and those feeling are now at the forefront and not the bad ones. They don;t go, and to honest I don;t want them too as it was another pregnancy and I don;t want to forget but the pain subsides with your reward, Best of luck xxx

Hi all
Had a scan last week and saw the consultant yesterday. Everything is fine, the midwife at the hospital is going to look after all my care. They are going to keep a close check on me and from 30 weeks my consultant wants to see me three times a week. He said that they will scan me at 36 weeks and then arrange a delivery depending on the size of the baby, So i feel a lot happier. The only thing i need to think about is amnio? i think no at the moment, dont want to do anything that may cause harm. Thats all for now.
Beag. x

So pleased to hear such positive news from you Beag. Best of luck with the rest of the pregnancy, keep us posted XXX

That's great news Beag. How many weeks are you now?

Just when I thought I was beginning to cope with this pregnancy, I was supposed to have a home visit today fron the community midwife, and when it looked as though she was a bit late I went to the door to see if there was any sign of her. She had been 2 hours ago and left one of those "sorry I missed you" cards. I guess I was so busy trying to take my mind off the appointment that I didn't listen out for the door. I know it's such a little thing, and I can re-schedule the appointment, but I am completely hysterical. I really thought I had stopped getting into such a state about appointments. . It was at one of these home visits that the midwife couldn't find Maisie's heartbeat last time.
Sorry to ramble and to hijack.

Beag,
I am so pleased that you have had good news. I hope you are getting lots of support. How many weeks are you now?
xxx

mrsdarcy, it's often the "little" things that lead to having a bad day or a bad feeling. I was in floods and floods after something similar happened to me when pregnant again (dh, with the kindest of intentions, made me go out and I missed a caller).
I had clothes I wouldn't wear, clothes I had to wear, even make-up and perfume was all selected on the basis of whether I felt it had bad karma relating to Tom's death.
And I developed a passionate hatred for the famous unit where Tom's death was confirmed by scan. Still would not go there if you paid me.
Why not call her now, explain how wretched you are feeling about missing her, and see if she can come back?

jangus, I replied to your message XXX

Great to hear things are going well. If you don't want an amnio then don't feel preassured into it. Sounds like your doctors are giving you good care though. Best wishes.

Thanks Marina
I did call the community midwlves office, and one of the other midwives came round straightaway, so I felt much better.

I know just what you mean about superstitions. I still have the maternity top I was wearing when I had the scan that confirmed Maisie had died, but I just can't wear it. I also have to take certain routes to the hospital.

I will have to deliver this baby in the delivery suite where I delivered Maisie, but my counsellor is taking me there next week to have a look around so that when they induce labour I will have seen the room in more positive circumstances. She is also taking me to the neo-natal unit as it is likely the baby will have to go there before being transferred to the children's hospital across the city.

It is such a good hospital, and such kind staff. I am very lucky.

Very glad you were seen again the same day and that the hospital is giving you the support all women in our position need and deserve.
I was automatically given an amenity room for dd on the postnatal ward, I hope if one is free they do the same for you.
I too kept the maternity outfit I was wearing the day I heard Tom died. It was a very pretty and colourful one and I remember with ringing clarity a member of staff complimenting me on it as we went up in the lift to our fateful appointment.
Argh. Believe me, it all becomes gradually much easier to live with after the baby is born, mrsdarcy. XXX

Mrs Darcy and Beag, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious babies.
Just wanted to say huge congrationlations on both your pregnancies, and please try not to worry too much (easier said than done, i know)
My half sister was stillborn, but my stepmother then went on to have 2 healthy baby girls.

Best of luck, thinking of you.
xx

Hi

I am 13 weeks now, I was 32 weeks last time and I am dreading going anywhere near the room I was in last time, but at the moment its one week at a time. and the smallest things do set me off...

I'm sure this is very tough for you.

Especially as pregnancy is supposed to be such a joyful and happy time and you aren't getting to enjoy as much as you should.

Remember that if you feel uneasy at all, about anything, just head to your doctor or to the hospital, I'm sure that they will want to help you and keep your mind at ease.
I hope you keep well.
thinking of you
xxx

Thanks so much everyone.
My consultant has written to the ward manager telling her that she wants me to have my own room. It's partly because of losing Maisie but also because of the concerns about this baby. I'm very pleased - I'm a terrible prude at the best of times but this time I feel very little connection with "normal" pregnant women.

Dear Marina, my ds1 was born asleep at 24 weeks last June to a severe fetal abnormality, and I can fully empathise with your concerns, however I pleased to say that I am now 38weeks into my 2nd pregnancy. It's been both emotionally and physically demanding but please have hope in the future, and remember that lightening very rarely strikes twice. Cliches and palatitudes don't help, but be strong and positive for the fragile little life within you.

Mrs Darcy, I replied to your "ventriculomegaly" query, a couple of months ago, and I am pleased to see that your pregnancy is continuing well. All the best,

Take every care both of you, with bestest wishes

gwenynbee, you are very kind I am happy to say that the anxious pregnancy I was sharing with mrsdarcy resulted in the birth of a very noisy and busy young lady who is now nearly 2
Very, very much hoping for the same happy ending for you in a short time!

Hi Beag, so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I gave bith to James, my stillborn son many years ago and they found no reason for his death. I now have a beautiful ds who is 2.3 and am pregnant again, only 5 weeks.
Your fears are only too be expected and are prefectly understandable. It will get easier... just talk as much as you want...it helps.
Womba x

I hadn't seen your reply on ventriculomegaly, gweneynbee. I got very panicky and went to ground for a while.

I am very very sorry about your poor little son. What a terrible thing for you to go through, and I'm sorry that my post awakened painful memories. I am an occasional lurker on the June thread and have admired your courage in keeping your spirits up when I am sure you must have found this pregnancy difficult.

The MRI scan showed a cause for the ventriculmegaly: the baby has agenesis of the corpus collosum, which means that the main "junction box" for messages between the 2 sides of the brain is missing. We haven't had any invasive testing but from scans we are praying that the problem is isolated. There is a link between ACC and Edwards Syndrome but the baby is quite big, and most babies with chromosomal defects are small. If the ACC is isolated, the baby has an 85% chance of being normal, and a 155 chance of mental retardation, the extent of which we won't know for quite a wuile. At the moment the ventricles are 15 - 16mm. They will do one more scan at 36 weeks to see if the baby's head is still normal, I will go ahead with being induced at 38 weeks.

What has been hard to accept is that in my case, lightning, did strike twice. After Maisie died, all the medics assured me that I had an excellent chance of having an entirely normal pregnancy and baby. I am having counselling at the hospital which is a huge help, and people on here have been a big support.

I do hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and that your baby brings you the joy you deserve.

Hi

Just sent you a message on your other thred. My consultant said that although your body heals quickly, i had a cs and was told 3 months, he said not to try for another baby for about 6 so that you are more able to cope with anything that may arise, but it took me eight years to conceive my last baby so I thought I wouldnt wait, I am now 14 weeks and my baby girl was born 6 months ago yesterday and although it is hard it was hard anyway so I am taking one week at a time. I just knew I had to do this straight away. Lots of Love
Beag xx