The first anniversary of my dear FIL's untimely death is coming up...

[5inthebed]

It is next month, and my poor MIL is falling to pieces. It was this time last year that he was dx with terminal cancer, and it was a very quick 4 weeks until he passed away. I think she is reliving every day as it was last year.

How can I help her? She just looks so fragile when we visit her. I'm not her biggest fan, but I really want to stop her thinking about it all. BIL is coming up this weekend as its her birthday and mothers day, but she has said she could do without the hassle.

She hasn't cleaned her house for weeks, even though I have offered to do it for her. FIL used to do everything for her

You sound like a lovely DIL. Rather than offer, actually do things. Like take around a meal. Is there someone in the family her age she can talk to? My MIL seemed to find it easier to talk to her sisters than her children when FIL died last year. How is your DH coping? Would something like a small memorial service help? Something positive to work on and may help with the grieving process.

DH is coping ok at the moment, but I do think he will become a bit "odd" nearer the time of the anniversary.
He took MIL out to have her hair done today, so I cleaned her living room. I was at the state of it tbh, thick dust everywhere. So glad I done it for her though as she was very pleased when she got back.
She won't leave the house for meals/shopping etc as she isn't the most sociable of people.

She has no family so to speak.FIL family were her main family and they don't really bother with her now he has died.

Thanks for the suggestins though. Will try to just get on with things when I go visit. She can complain all she likes then to DH while I potter about.

Her GP could also put her in touch with a Bereavement Counsellor - hard bit though is getting her to agree. On the actual day get out and do something active - nothing that involves sitting around (like a long lunch). On the 1st anniversary of my brother's death a few years ago, I took the family out to visit a historic house, we also had DD's friend with us whose brother had recently been diagnosed with cancer (now fine, all clear) so had to be upbeat. In hindsight was the best thing as otherwise I think I'd have had a day of tears.