any advice for the denial phase

[NancysGarden]

I'm trying to get on with life as normal following my father's death 2 and a half weeks ago. But this is not working. I am suffering from terrible headaches and anxiety dreams (crashing the car, DP being unfaithful) culminating in the last 48 hours in a migraine and my feeling freezing cold and having to ask DP not to work today so I could catch up on some sleep.

I have two very important things coming up in the next few weeks so I cannot afford to drop everything and go under. Any advice?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Was it very sudden and unexpected?
You say that you are trying to get on with life as normal, but after only 2.5 weeks, maybe you aren't ready to do that. It sounds as though you have a lot of emotion, grief and pain inside. It is showing itself through headaches and dreams because you are not venting it through other ways. Have you cried properly for him? Have you talked about his life, death and your feelings for him? Have you looked through old photos of happier times with him? Have you shared your feelings and grief with siblings, your mother or other friends and relatives who knew him well, or even with a professional counsellor? Grieving is a very personal process that everyone faces in a unique way, but it is also important. After the death of our mother, I grieved and my DB bottled it up. His grief has taken many years to work its way out. I hope you can have an easier time.

Everything that RuthChan said. 2 weeks is absolutely nothing. You need to be kind to yourself and allow time to work through this. You can carry on as normal after a bereavement but you also need some time and space to think about it all. Remind yourself that it will take some time to come out the other side and that it is completely normal how you are feeling.

Thankyou RuthChan and cremeeggs.

It happened over a few weeks Dad was feeling a bit unwell was then hospitalised, transferred to a specialist brain hospital and after surgery went downhill very quickly.

I have posted quite a lot the general health support thread for people about to lose someone from a brain tumour.

I have cried but not much I do feel like I have bottled it up because I feel under pressure in other areas of my life and I haven't had time to grieve.

I am thinking about getting some couselling.

You need to make allowances for yourself. Are you sure you have to do the two very important things?

Sometimes, keeping going is good, as it gives us something to focus on. Sometimes, though, it's not good. It's the whole 'carousel, world spinning around and I can't get off' thing.

You have every right to take time for yourself just now. Can you delegate, call on others, or even just delay?

Oh, and I forgot to say how sorry I am for you and your loss. You are hurting and you need other people to acknowledge that and to help you out.

{{{{{hugs}}}} (sorry, not very MN but I sense that you might need them)

thankyou BIWI.

I can delay one of the things but the other is kind of pivotal for me so I want to press on it's just hard and my body will only let me do so much.

I would love the chance to talk about my father and the horribly unfair way he went (he was only 58).

sorry to hear about your Dad it is very early days and you need to go easy on yourself, feel free to contact me, my husband died from a GBM4 brain tumour in june, if i can help then i am happy to.

Nancy so sorry you have had to go through this.
I also lost my mum (45) very quickly to a brain tumour too!

Gosh, I am realising this is more common than I thought. It just blows you away. It's so wrong. Thankyou OJ and Lily. And I am so sorry for your losses too.

Onlyjoking, do you mind me asking what was the time-span with your husband? I'm swinging between disbelief and denial

Steve was told he had MS and a brain tumour on his birthday 25th jan 2007 they thought it was slow growing and not cancer, in the july he had another scan and had surgery to remove what they could and to decide what kind of tumour it was, 15th august 2007 we were told it was a GBM grade 4 and was terminal, we were told then that steve had 3 months without treatment or a year with treatment, he died on the 9th june 2008.
disbelief and denial are standard i still feel like that some times

Thanks for sharing. Dad's situation was very different. No easier, just different. LO keeps asking where's grandad?