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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Has anyone know what a 'humanist' Funeral like.

21 replies

lizziemun · 13/01/2009 21:31

I wonder if anyone can help.

My dad died last week and has requested a humanist funeral as he was so anti religen. And i was just wondering if anyone had been to one.

OP posts:

S1ur · 13/01/2009 21:38

Yes.
They can be vary quite a lot I think. But essentially are going to give people a chance to say some words, share memories, come together and celebrate someone's life.
Beautiful.

Though the resident humanist expert you really need is solidgoldbrass

S1ur · 13/01/2009 21:39

some useful info in the meantime

spook · 13/01/2009 21:40

I'm so sorry about your dad lizziemun.
I went to a Humanist funeral a few weeks ago for a very dear friend.
It was a lovely service and focused alot on the bereaved. The minister (thats not what a humanist is called I'm sure) knew an awful lot. He'd obviously spent alot of time with the family chatting.
It was very dignified. Instead of prayers there was a couple of minutes of silence to reflect, which I thought was very moving.
I did however miss readings and songs, but that may just have been this particular funeral. I'm pretty sure you can have readings should you choose to (obviously not religious ones)
Good luck whatever you choose.

Lastyearsmodel · 13/01/2009 21:41

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad.

Yes, my great-aunt had one and it was very dignified. It was at a crematorium and led by a humanitarian speaker. He spoke simply about her life and didn't try to over-embellish anything. She wasn't a religious person and I think everyone present thought it appropriate that religion wasn't brought into her send-off.

I think there's a Humanist Association you can contact. You can talk to several 'celebrants' as they call the speakers to find one you think would be suitable.

Found a website: www.humanism.org.uk

Aimsmum · 13/01/2009 21:42

Message withdrawn

whinegums · 13/01/2009 21:43

So sorry to hear about your Dad.

I went to a humanist funeral last year, for my friend's Dad. The celebrant talked about him really well, telling stories from his life, how he'd met his wife for example, and some stuff about his kids and grandchildren. There were no hymns or anything, but they played some of his favourite music. The only 'spiritual' bit was when at the end, when the celebrant told us all to take a moment and reflect on the person, and then his favourite song was played.

It was very moving, and was exactly what he would have wanted. Also, it is a celebration of the person's life. Much better IMHO than a religious funeral. Hope this helps. I think your undertaker should be able to help you organise it.

BananaFruitBat · 13/01/2009 21:43

My Grandad had a Humanist Funeral. It was just like any other funeral I've been to, without the religious stuff about going to heaven or whatever it is they talk about. It was just about Grandad, what he had done during his life. There was an opportunity for prayer for anyone who wanted to.

BlackEyedDogstar · 13/01/2009 21:48

Sorry to hear about your dad.
My dad had a Humanist funeral (as he was very non-religious). It was a celebration. The chap who led the proceedings came round to talk to us and find out about dad. He reflected this very well on the day. I can't remember much of the 'Humanist' part as I wasn't listening to that bit, though I think it was gentle and affirmative iirrc.

We played his favourite records and somebody read from a play and mum read a poem. It was wonderful.

Hope this helps

Original poster

lizziemun · 13/01/2009 21:57

Thanks for your replies.

I have to read them tomorrow, as i am a bit of a wreck tonight i think it just hit me or it might be because i am 32 wks pg and very hormonal.

OP posts:

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 13/01/2009 22:01

Hi Lizziemum, I lost my Dad in November and like you had a couple of days of calm then it suddenly hit. Hang in there, it is really tough and especially so as you are 32 weeks pregnant. Funerals are really hard but this in between time waiting for the funeral really is the hardest bit. Hang in there. Thinking of you.

BlackEyedDogstar · 13/01/2009 22:04

It's a hard time lizziemun for you. I was also heavily pg when dad died.

The shock comes in little waves, and pregnancy adds a new dynamic to it all. I sympathise with you.

winestein · 13/01/2009 22:09

Sorry to hear about your dad Lizzie, and this such a difficult time for you, too.

My dad died a little over 2 years ago and we had, I suppose what would be called a humanist ceremony... just talking about his life... there were a few readings by friends... and I managed to hold it together to do one too. Afterwards, as we had requested no wreaths, I had bought lots of single flowers for people to place on his coffin as they left, if they so wished.

As funerals go, it was lovely. A time of rememberance and celebration (well, as much as is possible).

Hope it goes well.

revjustaboutlikesvests · 13/01/2009 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyDoIt · 14/01/2009 08:22

I had a humanist funeral for DH when he died last year as we are both atheists and everyone, even our very religious friends, commented on how lovely it was. You can choose your own readings - I had a poem plus something DH had written himself when he turned 40. For music, I picked a piece that we'd had at our wedding, then Queen's 'Your My Best Friend' as my tribute to DH and we went out to his favourite song which was Meateloaf's 'Bat Out of Hell' which raised a smile. It was all very much about DH and what he'd meant to us all. The humanist celebrant said a short piece about death generally then just guided us through the ceremony, introducing people as they went up to speak and introducing the music. It was very, very personal to DH and I found it a great comfort. I thoroughly recommend it.

MaryBS · 14/01/2009 08:33

I was going to suggest solidgoldbrass, and also a look at the reluctant worshippers thread too!

bluebump · 15/01/2009 12:10

Sorry to hear about your dad. We had a humanist ceremony when our son died as we aren't very religious but wanted a service of some description. We chose some readings and met with the lady a few times to give her some family details and she turned it into a reading. It was a lovely ceremony considering why we were there.

Fennel · 15/01/2009 12:19

We went to a humanist funeral for my aunt last year. It was at a Woodland site, there are various ones around the country. It didn't involve any spoken service (though there was that option) but they plant a tree for the person, and there was a display of various aspects of her life.

And then tea and cake and chatting.

It was really nice. You can google for local Woodland funeral options. This one was near Bristol.

NorbertDentressangle · 15/01/2009 14:59

lizziemun -sorry to hear about your Dad.

I lost my Dad last year so I appreciate how difficult things can be when you're trying to head round everything. I wish at the time I had been aware of humanist funerals as it would have been exactly what my Dad wanted. He wasn't religious but at the same time didn't specify what he would want at his funeral at all other than a quick cremation, no big church service.

I went to a humanist funeral this week (a neighbour) -as I said I hadn't really been aware of them before.

It was a beautiful service. The celebrant read a lot of contributions from the family about the man -many were funny and raised a lot of smiles from the mourners. There was a also a friend that stood up and spoke. I particularly liked the part where they played some music and invited you to think about the person who had died. It seemed more personal than general prayers.

In fact DP came out of the crematorium where it was held and said that that is the sort of service he would like.

mummylin2495 · 15/01/2009 15:34

I have been to a couple of humanist funerals and i have to say they were really nice. I want to have one myself as i am not religious at all.Sorry for your loss.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 15/01/2009 15:42

Sorry for your loss. I second all the advice on here: humanist funerals are often both moving and comforting, and the best option for people who are not religious.
Your local undertaker may have contact details for humanist celebrants in your area (funeral celebrants usually have good working relationships with funeral directors); otherwise the BHA website linked to below will have a list of people in your area.
The celebrant will make an appointment to come and see you and talk to you about your dad, and what form you would like the ceremony to take (ie who is going to read or speak, what music you might want, also any particular stories about your dad that you want mentioned), then he/she will write the ceremony and give you a preview to check you are happy with it. Humanist funerals often include a 'moment of quiet reflection' which allows any religious mourners the opportunity to say a private prayr if they want to.
Again, so sorry for your loss and I am sure you will be able to find a good celebrant to help you though it.

Lisey09 · 15/01/2009 17:18

Lizziemum I'm so sorry for your loss. I really feel for you. I lost my Dad in 2006 very suddenly (he was only 58) and the shock was horrific - so don't worry if you are one minute together and the next hardly able to stand for the horror of it all.

Regarding the funeral, my Dad did believe and so we had a church funeral, but none of us wore black (he had always hated the colour and would moan at us for wearing it so much) and it was a proper celebration of his life. It was such a beautiful day - it meant such a lot that so many people turned up to honor him and to tell us how much they loved him too. It is rare to have everybody together and it was wonderful. Dreadfully sad too (we shed a lot of tears) but for us it was important to remember him with joy.

It gets easier, I promise.

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