I found out last Tuesday my pops has Cancer and isn't going to get better.

[Mum2OJ]

He had been rushed into hospital on Monday night because he was in so much pain, thninking he had a broken rib and pnemonia but they kept him in and have done tests on him and found he is riddled with cancer and there isnt anything they can do, just make him comfortable for as long as pos (is on morhine and a pic and mix of drugs).

i am gutted because i used to be so close to him and used to live with him whilst my parents were waiting to get posted back to England (forces) but we ended up both moving to different parts of the country and now i rarely see him, somebody was supposed to take me to see him yesterday but people had other things they needed to do and then my sister was supposed to take me today but he rang us saying that he hadn't had any sleep and didn't feel up for visiters, and now he has been rushed back into hopsital because his stomach has inflated and he can't empty his bowels. i think i am the only person that hasn't be able to go see him yet

He has decided that he wants to marry his girlfriend (my nan died 8 years ago) and i was shocked about that because they got committed (engaged) but said they would never get married. but i guess if that is what he wants then he has my blessing.

I know this is going to sound so selfish but i really want to see him before he goes downhill because i don't know if i can handle seeing him as a skeleton, he has always been so lively and active, he is 73 but still goes to gigs and travels the world.
He has had a great life and i know some people would consider that he (and we) have been lucky that he has had such a long and fulfilling life but i feel so sad, i can't even discribe how sad i am, sad just sounds lame in comparison, devistated! that we have grown apart and now this has happened.

Sorry if that doesnt make sense, i am in a funny frame of mind and can't think properly, i did post last week in chat and was pointed in this direction, i know it isnt bereavement yet, i hope you don't think i am wasting you time.

Hi, just wanted to offer my sympathy, hope you get to see him soon and can make the most of the time you have left together.

I completely understand your need to see your dad. My dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given 4-5 months to live. He died within a week of the diagnosis. We only got to see him in his final hours, but he was awake enough and not in pain so was able to talk and to know that we loved him. My dad was also 73 when he died so I totally get what you say about how full his life is and has been. In your position,I'd just go, as soon as you can get there. Don't not go and then regret it.
for you.

It isn't my dad, its my pops (dads dad)

I feel guilty about not seeing him very often, we started drifting apart a few years after my nan died because he started turning quite bitter but since he has been with his GF he has been full of life again.

SIHII, that is what i am worried about, the doctor didn't give him any indication of how long he thinks he might have left but recons he will be able to go an a holiday they have booked in april, but after he got rushed in today i have been worrying, i would hate for him to go before i got to see him.

I am finding it hard to support my dad too, he seems so angry all the time, i tried to hug him earlier and he pushed me off and said 'just don't right now' so i left him on his own because i though he needed space and he came after me to hug me, but i think it was only out of guilt because he thought he had offened me (he had upset me but i wouldn't let him see)

i was in the car with him earlier and he was getting so worked up with the other drivers.

I really want to support him but he is pushing me away.

I think what your Dad is feeling is natural - he will be mixed and worried but trying to stay strong for you all. Be led by him, don't force him to be cuddly and emotional, he may be worried he will break down in front of you.
I would go and see your Pops as soon as you can. My dad died recently after a 9 week illness although we were told initially he could have 6 to 9 months. So you should plan a trip if you can.
So sorry to hear your sad news and hope the end is peaceful for him.

mixed up I mean.

I am sorry to hear about your dad Cathcat

I know you are right, i just want to hug him and sort of share the pain with him i guess, but he has always been the sort to bottle things up, i have only ever seen him cry, once being when we found out my nan (his mum) had died suddenly eight years ago.

We were going to see him today (yesterday?) in the hospital but he asked us not to, which was upsetting but i know that he obv needs to do things his way.

Everybody else has been to see him apart from me, my mum and dad have been back and forth from hopsital when he was in but because of the distance and visiting hours it would be hard to pick me up too.

The only consolation I have is at least he will be back with my nan.

I have just found out from my dad that my pops has taken a huge knock and they don't think he is going to last very long at all, so he is getting married tomorrow and i can't even go because there isn't enough room in the chapel for us all.

I still haven't even seen him yet since finding out (last tues)

Can you not be in the hospital when he is getting married. Know there isnt much room in the chapel but even if you re near, wont that make you feel better and show him that you approve and that you want to be there for him

My dad told me that he would take me later on in the week, i took that to mean its not up for discussion, i don't drive so can't get there on my own.

I went to see my pops yesterday, apparently he had a lovely day but by the time we could see him he was very tired (and married ) although apparenlt he had been slipping in and out of it all day.

It was quite upsetting because i don't think he really knew we were there most of the time and kept hallucinating (apparently a side effect of the morphine) and coming out with really strange things, it's so hard to think that he is going to go so quickly, yet at the same time i am glad he won't be suffering for long.

I found it so hard to not cry whilst I was there and couldn't help myself at some points (should have worn waterproof mascara) but didn't want him to feel guilty at all for being poorly, IYSWIM?

Everytime he woke up he would hear OJ laughing at the balloons and giggling at the confetti on pops' bed and his eyes would light up for a moment, i just ended up staring at him looking for a glimmer of my pops but hardly saw it.

He had a lovely time and they did the whole day in stages, the nurses decorated him room with balloons and just married banners, they even made him confetti using a hole punch and different colour paper. there was food there and two cakes.

They used their commitment rings because his GF didnt want to pick the rings on her own and the commitment rings they had chosentogether.

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you, I know it is so hard. What you describe is very familiar so I know exactly what you mean. Glad they were able to get married as they is what they wanted. Hope you are okay.

Hi M2OJ - Im glad to hear your pops had a nice wedding and that you have been to see him. Im sure he loved every minute of OJ being there x

Are you going to see him again? I saw my nan when she was dying of cancer and found it so hard that I didnt see her again (she died 2 weeks after that visit) and I regret it so much. I wish I had seen her everyday x

We were supposed to go today (well actually yesterday) but the fog was apparently very bad and my sister has only had her test a month so we are going to go on Saturday, I might call him tomorrow, he is allowed his mobile on in the hospital, i need to see him again before he goes because when i got there i tried to hug him and didn't want to bump his wires and stuff and it seemed like a pathetic hug and i just want to give him a big squeeze, like we used to. Although i know it prob won't be possible.

I really hope he will be a bit more awake next time, he just seemed so vacant the whole tie last time i kept thinking that he was going to die then, but then he would start talking incoherantly again.

I feel so guilty and angry because we has drifted apart so much, he didn't even come and see us for christmas, and couldn't make it to OJs birthday party because he was in pain (was before they found the cancer, they thought he had a broken rib) and now he won't have the chance or choice to be at another one.

I also feel so sad for his DW becuase she watched her last husband die of cancer and now she is going to have to do it again, she is coping, but in the kind of way where she makes a joke out of everything and i think it is all a front, i don't think she is actually coping very well underneath, but then i don't think i would either.

So sad for her.

It has been helping so much to write this down, because its all jumbled up in my head and it doesnt really make sense until i stick it down in writing.

And i can have a good cry when i write it too.

Hi M2OJ - How is your pops?