Mother's ring: what would you do?

[Penthesileia]

I feel a little daft posting in Bereavement, as my mum died 17 years ago, but this is an unresolved and still quite emotional issue for me.

My mother, who died too young from cancer, left her engagement ring to me, and her eternity ring to my sister. Immediately after her death, I wore the ring on a chain around my neck, to feel closer to her; but after a couple of weeks, my dad, understandably, took it back for safe-keeping.

I have the ring again, and feel like I should wear it somehow; it's just sitting in her jewellery box. I don't think I could ever give it to my DD as her engagement ring: too sad. But the thought of it never being worn again feels wrong.

Should I wear it? If so, how? Or is it crass, do you think? I'd really appreciate your opinions.

I would wear it; does it fit on any of your fingers? I would prob jkust avoid putting in on my wedding finger.

I'd wear it on the ring finger of my right hand

Message withdrawn

Wear it, love it, think of her always.

I don't think either of my grandmothers had engagement rings but my mother wears her mothers wedding ring (on her right hand) and my aunt wears her mothers one...

One of my friends had her grandmothers engagement ring as her engagement ring.

Personally don't think there is anything wrong with it if you like the ring and it's nice to be reminded of the person every time you look at it...

I had a similar situation when I was given my grandmother's beautiful diamond ring. For a couple of months I just left it in a box, but then I started to remember my grandmother wearing it, how much she loved it, and how it always sparkled on her hand.

I realised that she would have hated to see it sitting in a box, going dusty and not being worn. I had it renovated and now wear it every day. I absolutely love it. It makes me feel close to my grandmother. I love the way it catches the light and I love the way it makes my hand look so posh! I could have kept it just for special occasions, but you know the problem with that - no occasion seems special enough. Everyday is the way to go.

I've got no idea whether I will give it to dd or not, I think I will just wait and see.

You don't need to make any decisions about your dd either. Try wearing the ring over Christmas to see how it feels. It took me a few days to get used to the odd feeling of wearing a new ring and I didn't start to enjoy it until I'd got rid of that feeling.

Your dd may never get married, or may marry a man who has an engagement ring from his own mother, or is so fabulously wealthy that he buys her a massive rock! I think you just need to wear the ring if you want to wear it.

I wore my grandmothers ring on the fourth finger of my left hand.

Thank you all for your kind and swift responses!

It feels so symbolic; so much of the memory of my mother has been hidden because it was - and remains - too painful for my dad to revisit, and my sister and I were to young to know what to do. Not to wear the ring, to let it sit in the dark, seems a further veiling of her. In retrospect, I wish my family had dealt with her death differently.

I think I will begin to wear it on the ring finger of my right hand in the new year, and see how I feel.

Thanks again.

Ruby - my grandmother had tiny fingers, so I had the ring enlarged. Obviously it depends on the style of the ring. It only cost me £30.00 to have it made bigger.

I have my mother's engagement ring and my nan's engagement and wedding rings. I've worn both quite a lot - so yes, I'd wear it, if it fits one of your fingers.

Wear it! Not a ring I know, but I was given my Dad's watch after he died. I can't wear it and my dh doesn't wear any jewellery, including a watch!( it causes skin problems, not just being awkward!) It breaks my heart every time I open the drawer where I keep it and see it just sitting there. I was going to have it serviced and give it to my DH at Christmas, but I didn't because I know he won't wear it and it will just end up in his drawer rather than mine! And I don't want DH to feel bad about not wearing it.
So, back to your ring, if there is anyway you can wera it, I would do. It must be lovely to wear something that was so loved by your mum!

I wear my mums engagement ring on middle finger, i don't think it's crass at all, it's my most treasured posession.
my 2 sis have her wedding and eternity ring.

I have two rings, one my grandad gave me that he bought many many years ago for my grandma, she actually never wore it (my mum can remember the argument that it caused because my grandma was not really one for jewellery and she thought the money was best spent on something for the house and she gave it back to my grandad who just put it away in a box - must have been 40 years ago now), I had to have it altered to be made smaller, but it is beautiful and I wear it on my right hand.

The other ring I have belonged to my Dads mum. My mum asked me to look through the jewellery box when she died and said to take a few things, there was only this ring that caught my eye and it fit, my mum remembers my great grandma wearing it. It had the main stone missing, so I took it to a jeweller who found a stone for me to put in the middle and fixed up the filligree work around the edges and I wear this alternately on my right hand with the other ring.

I love wearing both of them.

Wear yours with love and pride.

I am reading through this thread as my mother recently passed on only last week. I wonder if anyone can clear a couple of things up for me - there appears to be usage of acronyms "DD" and "DH" throughout. Can anyone shed any light on what these stand for?

DD - Darling Daughter
DH - Darling Husband

I wear my Mum's wedding ring on my right hand and find it comforting.

I wear my mum's wedding ring on my right hand all the time. That way she's always with me.

Could you have it reset? So it still has significance but is a piece you'd wear more often?
I was very touched that my MIL gave DH her mother's engagement ring for me. Shortly after my dear GM died and left me a ring with other stones. We had both rings reset into an engagement ring for me which I wear with such pride

My mum died two years ago and I have both wedding and engagement rings just sat in their boxes, no idea what to do with them! I dont think either DD or DS will want to use them, but a possibility of course, to get them re-set.

I have had a ring with diamonds and an emerald sat in my drawers for years. It came from the late sister of my mums brother-in-law, when we were helping him empty said sisters house when I was a teenager. Think she was a spinster so could have come from her mum originally.

I spoke to my DD (almost 18) about getting it re sized for her. She is currently wearing it around her neck (which I am nervous of!) but I will hopefully get her into a jewellers this summer and have it sized so she can wear it. I don't feel any attachment to it, as it wasn't from a relative of mine, but do feel it should be used.

My friend who was widowed 3 yrs ago had her DHs wedding ring made into 3 narrower ones for her and 2DDs to wear on chains. I thought, what a lovely idea.

My DM was killed in an accident 18 months ago. She had lots of jewellery but a gorgeous (and quite expensive) gold diamond ring she bought in Amsterdam. I wear platinum so this lovely ring stays in a jewellery box and is likely to for ever more. I have no daughters, no sisters, no god-daughters. Seems such a shame.

My DM died 18 years ago (today actually) a few days after I had got engaged. I have her wedding ring as my wedding ring. It keeps her close.