I gave birth to my first much wanted little boy Jack very prematurely, his dad wanted him more than was possible too because he was a good deal older than me and didnt think he would ever have more children. When Jack was born he was rushed away and i never heard him cry, i was taken back to my room and then taken up to see him, my husband and i were told that Jack wouldnt survive because he had had a brain haemorage when he was born, we made the decision to switch off his life support and my mum was with my husband and i when Jack died at two hours old. I can remember going back to my room in the middle of the maternity ward and hearing other babies crying and thinking how unfair life was, i cried and cried that night till i didnt think i could cry any more. We went home the next day and spent Christmas with my family, that in itself was hard because my niece was born six weeks before Jack and she was there as a reminder of what i didnt have.......... we had a funeral for him in early January 1995 and my lovely stepson who is eight years older than me carried Jacks coffin from the church to the graveyard, i remember telling the funeral director i didnt want a white coffin so he had a little wooden one. Jack was buried next to my grandads brother and sister who died in childhood. His dad made a wooden cross which we put on the grave on the first anniversary. I went on to have my second son Wilfred in July 1996 he is profoundly deaf and has learning difficulties. The boys Dad died suddenly in July 2001.
I am very aware every day that i should have two sons with me and i only have to look at mt niece and my godson who was born in Jan 1995 to know what Jack would be into now.
These two songs mean a lot to me and remind me of the sad times. The first one was No 1 when Jack was born, the second one is poignant because of the lyrics.
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=V4jLfCjlYD0
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2GDG1sNHJE
Last year on Jacks birthday i got up and put the radio on and the East 17 was playing.
On Monday morning when i was feeling low Terry Wogan played the BNC song after Pause for thought.
God Bless Jack.
Mummy and Wilfred wish you were here with us, to be with us to complete the missing link in our family.