Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Losing a much loved husband and daddy

68 replies

vic777 · 14/12/2008 00:22

I am new to mumsnet but desperately need some advice. My husband died nearly 2 weeks ago in a road accident and I am trying to make sense of this. My children are 2 and 4 and very very confused. I need to make sure I am doing the right thing by them - my little girl doesn't seem to understand but I'm sure she picks up on how we are all feeling. My eldest is just so angry and thrashing out at everyone around him. I am trying to be as open and honest as possible with him considering his age but would appreciate any advice on how to handle this awful situation.

OP posts:

ClausImWorthIt · 15/12/2008 00:43

Thankfully (being purely selfish) I have no experience of this, but just wanted to acknowledge your post and wish you all the best.

Sadly there are too many people on MN who have been through this, but they will be able to help you.

Sending you positive vibes for the funeral.

EvenstarofWonder · 15/12/2008 10:23

I will be thinking of you, especially tomorrow and holding you and your DC's in my prayers.

everlong · 15/12/2008 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herbietea · 15/12/2008 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 15/12/2008 15:39

I am so so sorry for your loss. As you have seen unfortunately there are quite a few MNers who have first hand experience of what you are going through.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Keep posting. Morning, noon or night - there is usually someone on here - be it in UK or Australia.

Wishing you all the strength you need to get you through tomorrow.

Look after yourself. Cry all you want. It is good.

christMAScomesbutonceayear · 15/12/2008 15:41

so sorry for your terrible loss - you'll find lots of help on here,so do keep posting xxx

Hulababy · 15/12/2008 15:43

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

PenelopePitstops · 15/12/2008 15:45

so sorry to hear of your loss, will be thinking of you tomorrow x

and do keep posting, there are some incredible people on here who will provide all sorts of support

sb6699 · 15/12/2008 15:53

No advice but send you love and strength.

will be thinking of you tomorrow x

bellaBuonNatalevita · 15/12/2008 15:57

I am so very sorry for your loss. Will also be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.

jingleMAMADIVAsbells · 15/12/2008 16:01

I don't really have any experience of this and I don't have any advice either. But I just wanted to say that I have read many posts relating to this and I have been deeply moved by all of them

Sadly there seems to be many MNers in similair situations to yours but someone somewhere will be able to give you the support you need at this difficult time.

I hope things go as well as they can on Tuesday I will be thinking of you and your DC's, just try and keep strong as hard as it is your LO's need you and you need to keep yourself well so take care, and any time you need to talk there will be someone here so just keep posting.

constancereader · 15/12/2008 16:04

I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss.

DadInsteadofMum · 15/12/2008 16:26

Do make sure you have support around you for Wednesday as well, in a way you get the the funeral on a wave of emotion. The really hard day (and talking to others they agreed) is the day after the funeral. Look after yourself.

MummyDoIt · 15/12/2008 16:58

You will get through the funeral, Vic, because you have to. I remember feeling quite detached from the whole thing. The only time I cried - and it was a silent tear or two, not sobbing - was when they played 'You're My Best Friend' by Queen, which was what I'd chosen as my song for DH. The rest of the time, I just sat there thinking, 'goodbye, sweetheart' and feeling that it was quite impossible that DH could be in the coffin in front of me. Coming out of the crematorium, it was quite surreal. There was a constant procession of people from our present and past. It was like 'This is Your Life'. Afterwards, there was a huge sense of relief that it was over as I'd been dreading it but a big feeling of 'what now?' as it really hit home that DH was gone for ever.

As DadInsteadofMum says, you might find you really need some support the day afterwards so make sure you have someone with you if you need them. And come back on here to talk if you need to. We're all here for you.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

everlong · 15/12/2008 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mashedbanana · 15/12/2008 21:07

will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow xx

Yorkiegirl · 15/12/2008 21:27

Message withdrawn

thumbElf · 15/12/2008 22:44

Vic777, sending you love and un-MNly ((((hugs)))) for you and your DC tomorrow (or a pat on the shoulder if you prefer as hugs can sometimes be too much).

When my mum died last year while I was pg (and I KNOW it's not the same) I was also very detached from the whole process but found I couldn't get near the coffin at all. I just couldn't cope with the idea that my mum was in there. Be prepared for anything - but most likely you will pass the day in a bit of a daze and focus on your DCn. Keep someone with you for the rest of the week if you can but definitely Weds, as said before.

Hope it goes smoothly for you all tomorrow.
xx

onlyjoking9329 · 15/12/2008 22:44

will be thinking of you tomorrow.

2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 15/12/2008 22:45

no advice, but so sorry for your loss

AdventCandleQueen · 15/12/2008 22:48

Thinking of you and your children tomorrow.
xxx

VaginaShmergina · 15/12/2008 22:51

My thought are with you and the kids for tomorrow x

MumHadEnoughTinsel · 15/12/2008 22:57

I'm so sorry for your loss .

I don't really have much to add to the advice you've been given, except my little brother was 7 when my dad died and I remember him being very very angry about it for a time. One moment he'd be wrecking his room and the next he'd be playing his Sega megadrive (Yes it was a few years ago now). He doesn't really remember much now about that period in his life, but it doesn't seem to have affected him too much.

I hope you get the love and support that you need. I'll be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.

xxxx

poetmum · 16/12/2008 05:41

I just want to reach out and give you a handshake, or hug or whatever you'd feel comfortable with. And I just want to add a few more well wishes to you. You will survive. And trust me, in time, you will thrive!

You've received some awesome advice. I lost my DP at a young age with a young child. It was terrible!

I was surrounded by lovely PC folks who wanted the transition to be joyous. (I still agree.) I didn't even take DD to his formal funeral. (Which was equally lovely and PC - no reason she shouldn't have come.) Now - what almost 16 years later? - I wish she had witnessed my true grief and not all of the stoic, PC, spiritual stuff I presented to her. And I wish she had been allowed to rage and rant and be just six/just seven years old. (Actually, she did all of that, but taking clues from the grown up she toned it down.)

But, enough of me. You can do this. And you can do it superbly. And I am so sorry for your loss. But, I trust that you will find your way through this awful, hideous time. We all go on. I wish you grace in your healing process.

everlong · 16/12/2008 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3