Advice needed re terminally ill MIL and latest symtoms

[MrsClausinJimmyChoos]

Have posted here before about my terminally ill mother in law. Cancer of the bile duct with secondaries in the liver and we think its now in the pancreas.

She has had a good month or so of being stable, albeit with some issues with her glucose levels. However, the last two days she's had a high temperature - 39...although this doesn't seem that high, apparently, its very dangerous in older people,

Today, her temperature is back to normal, with her bilirubin levels elevated (although not as high as it has been in the past) and she is yellower than normal, but again, not as yellow as she was before her stent was fitted.

What do you think is happening? The thing is, today, for the first time in a couple of months, she did not need any pain killers. I'm sure I've read of this happening near the end stages - something to do with the cancer deadening the pain nerve receptors?? Of course, I haven't said this to DH as I'm not sure I'm right and so I thought I'd post here and find out.

She hasn't eaten today and is very very sleepy...any advice appreciated. Its been 3 months exactly tomorrow since her prognosis of 6 weeks to live

Thanks in advance

I don't have a clue sorry. Just wanted to send best wishes.

Sometimes nearing the end, some people do indeed have a few peaceful and pain free days.

Not knowing her I wouldn't like to speculate, but you obviously know her well so perhaps your instincts are correct.

Is there a hospice team involved, maybe speak to them as they will be very experienced with such matters.

Hope she has as peaceful a passing as possible.

Regards
Lou

On the cancer research website there is a section on symptoms etc as death approaches. I lost my mother to cancer a few weeks ago and found that reading this prepared me for what would happen.However my experience is that whilst my mum was in hospital when she died the oncologists and palliative care teams were diametrically opposed as to where she was with respect to death. Even 12 hrs before her death we had prognosis ranging from 2 months to up to a week.

Awww no advice just a [squeeze]

Have been thinking of you recently

it is really hard to know these things as everyone is very different, people often say that someone has a marked improvement before a decline, steve certainly did that.
thinking of you in these uncertain times.

Jimmy [hug] I have not heard from you for a while - my mobile is dead so hope you have not been texting!

I have no advice I am afraid, apart from that mum needed pain relief until the end, so it could be different for different people.

I just wanted to come and let you know I am thinking of you and your DH and MIL right now [hugs again]

My dad stopped eating and slept a lot in his last 2 days, although the pain medication would have had something to do with the sleeping. I think his body was just shutting down. Thinking of you at this difficult time. I know you are far away and must be very hard for you and your DH.
mulranno, for your loss. been nearly 12 weeks for me, crap isn't it?

I'm really sorry to hear this - I've read your other thread about your MIL. My brother died in October of cancer and he also became very yellow a couple of weeks before, and then less yellow. He lost his appetite and slept a lot in his last week, although we weren't always sure if that was due to the morphine. However, he did come off painkillers towards the end and certainly didn't die in pain thank god. As mulranno said, opinions from the medics varied wildly.

Reading about the signs of approaching death helped me too, although nothing prepares you. All I can say is that I'm so sorry this is happening and I wish you lots of strength. It is a very very hard and awful thing to witness someone you love coming to the end of their life.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments and words of support. It really means a lot and I'm so very sorry to hear of what others are going through or have gone through. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

DH rang home yesterday and she had a very bad night Sat night. Apparently, her memory seems to be going - she will pray (she is Muslim) and then forget she has just prayed and do it again. She can't make decisions and seems to respond best when told what to do. She is very very tired - had to be carried to the toilet and didn't eat yesterday. Her breathing has become very laboured...whether that is because of the cancer pressing on her diaphragm, or the build up of fluids as the body is no longer breaking them down...who knows. Am inclined to believe the latter.

The brother doesn't think its going to be long but we have thought this before and she has picked up so.....I'm not so sure now though as its been three months so its not looking very likely is it? Her pain meds are every three hours now (she had one day without them but has needed them again)..

Its a waiting came now really... :-(

Pav - I did text you! Ask Santa for a new mobile for Xmas

I'm really sad for you. Your MIL's symptoms and behaviour sound very similar to my brother's in his last days. The waiting game is terrible. The forgetting rings very true - my brother used to ask us if we'd had a cup of tea, or ask us if my mum was there, and then forget and ask again. It's painful to watch but I had to tell myself that they weren't aware of it. I think you're probably right about the build-up of fluids and her breathing. I hope your DH is able to be very present and find some comfort.

Its shit...DH is really stressed...not helped by the fact that I've had the chest infection from hell so he's had to do the nursery drop off and pick ups yest and today...he's so miserable and I've tried to be as supportive as possible, joining the Mac forum, posting to get advice, sending off for cancer information and listening to him when he needs to talk but he's just shut right off and I'm finding it so hard to reach him...sounds awful but a part of me is now thinking I just wish it would all hurry up and be over as its been three months now and the tension is getting unbearable