How do you explain death to a 2 year old?

[fluffyanimal]

Hi folks, not been on here for a long while but hoping you can help.

My dad is very sick with cancer and probably has only a few weeks left at most, which means that very soon I will have to try to explain to my ds, 2.9, what's happened. DS is very fond of his grandparents and we see them regularly. He is quite a bright lad and has signs of developing emotional intelligence, but we recently watched that episode of Charlie and Lola where their pet mouse dies, and he didn't seem to get it, he kept asking "Where's Nibbles?"

Is there any non-threatening and not overtly religious way of explaining to him what's happened, and/or should I steel myself and prepare my mum for lots of repetitions of "Where's grandpa?"

I know that one should avoid saying he went to sleep, but otherwise I'm struggling...

thanks in advance.

For no reason in particular our dd was asking about such things not so long ago (she's 4.5). I just said that at some point everyone goes upto heaven but its rather lovely and you get to do anything you want. From that, she has told grandma that its going to be wonderful; mainly due to the fact that you don't have to walk but float around on a cloud. I know its not ideal but my aim was to make the thought of passing on as just something that happens to all of us and sometimes it happens sooner rather than later. I also said that the other wonderful was that the people in heaven could see us all the time even though we couldn't see them. HTH

When my ds was about the same age as yours, his great grandad died. I think the best way to go is the basic truth. We told DS that when people get extremely old their bodies are 'used up' and that then the person is all finished.

DS at this stage didn't ask what might happen after, etc etc - I think it happens in stages. Some time later he asked what happens to the body so we explained it's buried. Again some time later he saw the grave when we took flowers.

Via school he got the idea of heaven and asked if we believed in it, so we again were honest and said no we don't, but some people do; but nobody knows for sure. Honesty best IMO

I also think that an explanation along the lines of 'we get old and then our bodies are worn out and our lives are finished' is fair enough. It's harder, admittedly, to deal with the death of a child known to your DC (as there is some reassurance in the idea that death only happens when you're 'old' as far as young children are concerned) but that's something you hopefully won't have to deal with yet (or ever...)
It might also be worth adding a little about how we keep the dead 'alive' in our memories, though that may be a bit hard for a 2-year-old to grasp.

Also, at 2, a child won't understand that well and may seem to forget or be easily distracted, particularly if the deceased is someone he/she didn't see every day, try not to find this too upsetting if it happens with your DC.

The irony being that me and dh are not religious at all but I think, given dd's age and vivid imagination it was better to go down the route we have.

Hi........I'm very sorry that you and your family are going through this.
Can i suggest you contact Winstons Wish?,,,,,,,,They help children when someone they love dies. They were very helpful to my son when he lost his father and grandfather.
www.winstonswish.org.uk/

The book below was very useful too.

www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-You-First-Death-Paperback/dp/0764117645/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228326 879&sr=8-1

My brother recently died of cancer and my DD is 2.5. Although she wasn't as close with him as it sounds like your DS is with your father, I needed to tell her, partly because I needed to explain why I was so upset. we're not religious either and I agree - be honest. I told her that DB was very poorly (she knew that already as I'd been with him so much), and when people get very very poorly indeed their body stops working and they die. This means they aren't here any more. But I also told her that even though he wasn't here we still all thought about him a lot, and every time I see the birds and the clouds and the trees and the sky I think about him. I've told her that last bit a lot - so I'll say 'Isn't the sky beautiful today. It makes me think about Uncle B when the sky is so beautiful because he would think so too.'

Who knows what's going on in their little heads, but she seems to have accepted what I've said .

There's a fantastic book called 'Goodbye Mousie' which I've read to her a lot. It explains about bodies getting old and dying, and about burying etc. It's wonderful, but be warned - it will make you cry.

Sorry to hear about your dad.

My granny recently died of cancer, & I used a similar approach to many here with dd who is 2.5.

We talked about how when people are old, their bodies run out of energy - that people get more & more tired, & then they stop breathing. That great granny was very old, and getting tired, and that she might die soon (it helped that she was 94 - unimaginably old to a child )

When we were near the end, I was also very careful to step-by-step her through what 'dead' means - that they stop breathing & then can't move or eat. That once people are dead we can't see them or play with them anymore.

With ds who is a bit older, I talked about different post death beliefs (eg that some people thought that people who were dead went to a lovely place, or came back as something else. I didn't get into this with dd - it seemed better to keep things simple.

I also talked about emotions - that we would be sad when she died, but that we could also be happy that we'd benn able to do so many lovely things together such as x,y,z.

She made me absolutely howl though. When I told her granny had died, she asked 'Can we still go to her house' I said yes. She looked thoughtful and said "I think I would like to go & share some of my energy with her. Shall we go now?"

Sorry to hear about your dad.
My dad died earlier this year and I told ds, also 2 at the time, that grandad was very poorly and couldn't get better so he died and now the angels are looking after him (but you could miss that bit out if you feel uncomfortable about it.)
We then, over the next few weeks, had to reiterate that grandad wasn't coming back, and yes it was upsetting for everyone but I tried to be honest and calm and he gradually started to accept it. He talks about grandad a lot and we have lots of photos in the house - I always make a point of saying that even though grandad isn't here any more we can still think about all the happy times we had with him and he is still in our hearts and our heads. We talk about the things they used to do together and how we still love him even though he isn't here.

I don't know how deeply he understands but I think because we've tried to be open and consistent he actually has a fairly good grasp of it, and I'm quite proud of the way we've managed it with him.

Sorry, I seem to have rambled - HTH.