Still missing my mum

[scifinerd]

I lost my mum about five years ago and recently I have been feeling sad again. I think my friend's recent bereavement (she lost her dad) may have triggered this. But I keep looking at my lovely new 6-month ds and wondering what relationship my mum would have had with my babies. She loved babies and I miss her. Some days you just really need a mum.

It probably doesn't help that my DH and I are not getting on so I feel extra lonely just now. I tend not to talk about these things so I thought maybe writing it here might be good. Don't really see what it will achieve.

I lost my mum 10 years ago and still have not got over it.Both of us prob need professional help.

Awwww

Yes having a newborn will stir up feelings, and thoughts, and memories.

There is no reason why you should not feel sad, or wistful - how you feel is how you feel.

Next time you go to clinic, chat to the HV. She may not be able to help - but a sympathetic ear is marvellous.

Tak care

My Mum died 5 years ago too and I feel exactly the same. I don't think you ever do get over it, and nor should you. It is only now that I have children (I didn't when she died) that I realise how much she loved me and there are days when everyone seems to want a piece of me that I long to slump on her sofa and demand tea and biscuits!

I'm sure your mum would have had a fantastic relationship with your children but I think it helps to know that she has already given you everything you need to be a great mum yourself.

Christmas is always a difficult time of year but I do try to do the things my mum used to do for me when I was little. My DS is none the wiser but it makes me feel better

Scifinerd - I think that it is really good that you have posted about your feelings. They are real, and important. If you can take it a step further and talk to someone in real life, that is so much the better. That person cannot and will not take your hurt away, but a good bereavement counsellor will help you to find a place for those feelings in your life and to know how to talk to your dcs about them too, when you tell her about thieir lovely nana.

Cruse is a fantastic organisation who offer a listening ear to anyone who is bereaved - and it doesn't have to be recent. There is a list of organisations, including CRUSE, here, which you might find of help ink here

Beeny - I saw your post about your mum recently, but stopped to think how to reply, then I lost it. I then came across the website above and the lovely dragonpin brooches which you can wear, in memory of someone precious in your life. I am sure that you are right, that it could be valuable to talk to someone who really understands how you are feeling, and who can help you to work though those feelings, so that they belong to you, rather than controlling you . . .

Thinking of you.

Thanks NQG I was prob too close to my mum.I told her everything and even chose my career because of her.I realised I badly needed help when my dh said i was spoiling our little ds(he is right)and i said but she doesnt have a mum.Thanks for caring NQG

Beany - goodness! That certainly pinpointed how you were feeling, didn't it? You obviously had a very special relationship with your mum. I do hope that you can find someone in rl to talk with who can understand where you are, and help you decide how you want to move forward.

My mum lost her own mother not long before I was born, but was not able to talk about her feelings much. It played a big part in my growing up I think, as I was aware of how much she was still grieving. Of course, in those days (I am old!) there was never any suggestion that someone might have counselling. I think that it would have helped her - and me - a lot, if someone had been there to listen to her, and to support her through the grieving process.

Thanks again that has clinched it will get counselling.NQG you sound very giving and caring.Do you work?I am intrigued by your tone.

Aw thank you Beeny. I work part time, in admin but honestly, I am hopeless at knowing what to say to people in rl. However, I love MN and have found so much support here myself, over the last few years. (And, of course, you can have a whole conversation without the kids interrupting!)

Hope that you do manage to find some rl support too. I know that counselling isn't the be all and end all, but it can be very positive, I think.

My mum died 18 years ago, when I was 14, and I still miss her. However, I've found that the missing of her has become quite abstract because I can barely remember actually having a mum Since having my DS I too have found all sorts of complicated feelings coming to the surface, and yes, I also think I need professional help. In many ways her death has left me stuck at 14, which is not that useful when you're trying to parent your own child.