Remembering

[WinkyWinkola]

My friend lost her baby at 20 weeks. He was due to arrive on 21st of December. This Christmas is going to be really hard for her.

I'd like to get her something for Christmas that lets her know we're all here for her and to remember her son.

I was thinking about planting a tree in his name or something. Is that totally uninspired?

I think that sounds like a lovely idea

My friend lost a ds in late pregnancy and is touched when people remember his due date and actual date of birth etc. She says the idea that he is forgotten is so much more painful than any memories of him or his birth

Winky, it's lovely of you to think of her. Another idea would be to get some sort of special/personalised christmas tree decoration for him. x

Or how about sponsoring a child? Is that a good idea?

I would have said sponsor a tree, but I think Winky's idea of sponsoring a child is lovely.

O.K. well I've just looked at various sponsor options. Obviously, they want a name of the person who's sponsoring them.

Do I put my friend's name and simply tell her it's memory of her child's name? I can't imagine I could put down the pet name they had for their baby - they didn't give him a 'proper' name per se - because every time a letter came from the organisation it would give her a jolt, wouldn't it?

You need to keep it up though if you are sponsoring a child. Obviously that would be a great thing, but if you are doing this in her name is this what you would want to do?

Winky, can you not simply write 'for our baby' or something similar.

i think it's such a lovely idea.

Well, I discussed it with another friend and she said that she thought tree planting was an irrelevancy. Someone had done that for her dad when he died and she found it an imposition. And that our friend who lost her baby wouldn't want any Christmassy reminders of him. And sponsoring a child was OTT. She said she thought it would be best just to call on the due date. Ah well.

Re. what your other friend said, everyone grieves differently and what would have been wrong for her will be right for someone else.

A surprise might not be what your friend needs so why don't you just tell her that you wanted to plant a tree for him, or name a star or something, and would she like you to? That gives her the option to tell you if it's too much for her and doesn't diminish what you are doing in any way at all.

You can have a star named after someone.....I can see the point about needing to follow her lead.

Winky,

How is your friend?

I just noticed the date today... Her baby would be here now...

I hope you and your friend are OK.