What do I say

[Mizza76]

My mother has been ill with stage-4 cancer for a number of years. She had a wonderful summer (relatively) and then two weeks ago was suddenly hospitalised with digestion problems they couldn't diagnose. Tonight my father told me that the cancer has spread to her lungs and bowels and that she has just weeks to live. She will not be coming home from the hospital.
It is all too much to absorb tonight - I am frankly too numb to deal with this - but... first things first... I am so afraid of talking to my mother tomorrow (she was sedated tonight). I have no idea what to say to her. Please, someone who has been through this help me. I am terrified of this conversation.

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you've had such sad news about your mother.

I can understand your terror at the thought of seeing her tomorrow, and your worries about what to say, but ime, thinking about these things is much, much worse than the reality.

Perhaps you could just walk straight up to your mother and give her a huge hug?

Take the lead from her about how much to say about the situation.

Wishing you the chance to make some happy memories, and that you find strength and support for the coming weeks.

I'm sorry

I haven't been through this but I didn't want to read and not post. My friend recently went through the same thing and found it very difficult. She said her mum became very matter of fact about things, talking about the weather and then about her funeral wishes and then about the DC.

Can you let her take the lead tomorrow and just talk like you normally might - 'Hi, how are you?' or talk about DC. If she wants to talk about it, she can bring it up?

My mum is in North America - this will be a phone conversation. I have a newborn baby (5 weeks) and will not be able to go until early next week when I have arranged for an emergency passport for my new baby.
I am terrible talking about these things at the best of times. Over the past few years whenever my mother has said anything even implying she may not be here in the future I've always basically brushed it off. I have never managed to have a proper conversation about death with her. I would love to just give her a hug but for the moment I have to find the right words....

I think all you can do is say 'Hi' and then listen.

Sorry.

Hope it goes ok tomorrow.

Thinking of you, she will be so happy to see her grandchild and you I am sure. X

Hope it wasn't as awful as you expected.

Thanks for asking Superbunny. In the end, it wasn't as awful as I had feared - mainly because my wonderful mother was so remarkably calm under the circumstances. I am flying out to be with her on Wednesday (as soon as I have organised an emergency passport for my baby).