not coping today, just hit me that my dad is dead

[HangingbaublesofBethlehem]

my dad died on monday, unexpected and he was only 59. He doesn't live near and I only see him a couple of times a year so it feels really strange and not real. Yesterday I was hanging in there but today there has been talk of the funeral and it's pushed me over the edge. I want to go but I'm not sure if I can handle being in the funeral car and following my dad's coffin. I think that's what my step-mum wants though and don't want to upset her. my dh is in meetings in london today so I can't talk to him and don't want to ring my sisters as they are upset too. I just want dh here to hold me tight and make it all go away. my step-mum also wants my dh to carry the coffin and I feel too upset by the thought, I think my dad would want it but I'm too scared to have dh leave my side at all. I'm so selfish aren't i? please someone make it all go away.

oh baubles, so sorry for you

you aren't selfish either, you're probably in shock. be kind to yourself.

i remember my mum's funeral passing in a haze, try calling your sisters, can you get together with them?

HI Baubles , I think you should give your sisters a ring . They will know how you are feeling better than anyone . Are you and your sisters close ?

You are not selfish at all , this is your dad and the way you are feeling sounds perfectly normal to me . The whole thing sounds very overwhelming just now .

thank you so much, I spoke to one of my sisters and it really helped. It is really hard as we did not have a happy childhood so I can't pull on happy memories, just the knowledge that we had found some sort of peace in the months before he died.

I am glad to hear you are feeling a wee bit better . You have done well to find some peace with him as well if you have had a rough childhood and you are right to try and hold on to that .

thankyou, travelling. It's amazing how you can have waves of despair and the next minute be fine and thinking about xmas shopping. It's all so surreal. There are plenty of times that mumsnet has helped me out but this is great especially as there is always some random thread to keep me amused.

Surreal is a good way of describing it . It is such early days for you , things will get better and it sounds like you have a good dh and sisters to help you through it .

There are a lot of random threads out there

reading your message made me realise i am not alone in this horrible period of sadness - my dad died two weeks ago - the funeral was on monday and in a way it is much harder for me to deal with now. i was dreading the funeral - i have a little 10 month old and wasn't sure if i should have her there - my dad adored her so much i decided i'd risk it and have my husband ready to take her out the back if necessary - that's what we did and for most of it she was fine - bit noisy but happy and lots of the guests said she made it a personal family affair - i did a speech as i wanted people to know exactly how i felt about my dad and how wonderful he was - can't believe i managed to do it without breaking down completely but i did and i know he'd be proud - but now i feel so empty and with an overwhelming feeling of sadness inside - it is like something is horribly wrong with me but i know there is no cure - and it hits me in so many different places but often when i am out and see other close families together - agree with the comment about finding it hard to talk to people - i tend to do most of my crying alone or in the house - i try to distract myself with other conversations when i'm with people - thank god i have my mum as she and my daughter are my main reasons for trying to stay strong - my dh is very supportive but has a stressful pressurised busy job so can't always be there to comfort me - hard to know who is best to talk to so often end up talking to myself - or to my dad in my head - never thought this would be so heartbreaking and difficult to get through - he was such a lovely kind man i just can't believe i will never see his face again - and feel sad he'll miss out on watching his little darling granddaughter grow up. totally agree with just wanting the feeling to go away x

Sorry Baubles and makh. My dad died 4 weeks ago.

It's very early days and will take some time but I know it will get easier eventually. My mum died nearly 5 years ago and I honestly thought I wouldn't cope with the physical pain the grief caused let alone all the emotional stuff. But it does get easier, I promise.

I don't think there is anything you can do as such. You have to let the feelings happen and allow yourself to deal with it by doing whatever you feel helps. No shortcuts, I'm afraid.

I am having lots of days when I do nothing but mope then I feel wretched for another wasted day but I have to tell myself I'm grieving, I need to mope about to start the healing process.

I am so so sorry to hear your news.

Has your dh got back yet for that huge hug?