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Original poster

My Dad died in my arms yeaterday

79 replies

GentleOtter · 06/11/2008 14:53

I have been sitting at my Dad'd bedside at the hospital for a wee while and yesterday afternoon, while cradled in my arms, he slipped away.

During the time we had left, I told him how loved he was, what a wonderful Grandfather to his grandchildren who adored him and read him lovely words that my Mother had written to him in a letter I found that she had written to him years before.

Mum died 20 years ago and I asked her help to take Dad to the Light and that I was ready to let him go to her care and love.
Just seconds before Dad took his last breath, the most beautiful smile shone across his face - almost as if he was seeing someone he had not seen for a long time - and he passed away.

I feel as if I was deeply honoured to have shared in such a profoundly spiritual experience. I feel happy to have held Dad's hand as he was taken by the other hand to a far more beautiful and peaceful place.

The love does not stop.

God bless you my Dad. x

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 06/11/2008 20:53

So sorry GentleOtter - love to you and your family. x

differentID · 06/11/2008 20:56

So sorry for you GentleOtter and your family.
Your post is moving me to tears,x

ladytophamhatt · 06/11/2008 20:56

Ohh Otter...

VaginaShmergina · 06/11/2008 20:58

So very sorry for your loss Otter.

How special for you to have shared that last moment with him as he went to your Mum. They are together now and at peace and as one again. Big hugs. x

sherby · 06/11/2008 21:00

Very very moving

Sorry to hear about your dad x

eighteenstonesix · 06/11/2008 21:00

what a lovely thread...although obviously so sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away this July...I was on holiday at the time and the hospital failed to inform my Mum that Dad was on his way out so he died alone.Thankfully,you were with your Dad when he passed over.I was very close to my Dad but strangely enough,I don't feel the "need" to cry...although sometimes I want to IFYWIM...because I can see his smile and his laughter and that's what keeps me going.I'm thinking of you.x

Pixiefish · 06/11/2008 21:01

so sorry for your loss but glad you were there when he passed ovr

Rhubarb · 08/11/2008 15:49

How are you Otter?

VanessaParody · 08/11/2008 16:07

That's a beautiful post otter. I don't think your father could have wished for a better exit. I held my fathers hand when he died, almost 15 years ago.

Fond regards to you and your family.

ingles2 · 08/11/2008 16:08

So sorry Gentle Otter
what a beautiful post though.

piratecat · 08/11/2008 16:09

gentleotter, thankyou for writing that post.

WingsofaAngel · 08/11/2008 16:16

So sorry for your loss Otter.

I'm sure we are all meet by those who go before us. I take comfort in knowing that when it is my time my Dad will be there.

Take care xx

cocolepew · 08/11/2008 16:46

Sorry for your loss. x

NomDePlume · 08/11/2008 17:08

So sorry for your loss, Otter.

KatieMorag · 08/11/2008 17:13

what a blessing to have a peaceful passing

thank you for sharing it with us

TrinityWino · 08/11/2008 17:16

so sorry for your loss

A very moving post

RIP

Original poster
GentleOtter · 09/11/2008 10:23

Gosh, what a raw bewildering time it is between the passing and trying to arrange the funeral.
Having to be brave and organised - the latter never one of my strong points -
The hardest part is going in to the rest home with a warm jumper and cozy socks for Dad as I don't want him to feel cold.

My (estranged) brother is making life a nightmare and has made umpteen phonecalls about the will fgs, culminating in screaming abusive calls, swearing and frightening me. I feel it is a grossly insensitive and shockingly greedy thing that he is doing.

Needless to say, he is not interested in helping with the funeral.

I'm feeling numb and terribly tired. We still have to go and feed all the sheep and cattle and the children are being very boisterous.

Your words of comfort have meant an awful lot to me and I want to thank you all for taking the time to have written. x

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 09/11/2008 10:25

Oh Gentleotter, have just seen this. Your post is beautiful.
Your father was lucky to have such a wonderful and caring daughter.
Sorry that your brother is causing you problems.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/11/2008 10:35

What a lovely post, gentleotter, I'm so glad your dad had such a peaceful end. My mum died in the 30 minutes of the day that I went home to see to the animals and it has always bothered me that I wasn't there with her at the end.

Agree that this time before the funeral is a very strange period. I really just wanted the funeral all over so I could do my grieving in peace. It sounds like your brother is being a pain- not what you need at all. You sound like a strong person, though, so I'm sure you will be ok- just remember to take some time to look after yourself, your own needs and feelings- it can be far too easy to get caught up in everyone else's. All the best Jx

Original poster
GentleOtter · 09/11/2008 11:30

Jooly - 20 years ago when my Mum was ill, I sat with her day and night, not realising that she was going to die. She was only 54.
She had been in a coma for quite a while but 'came to' and told me she had been in a beautiful place and had been with her mother and others who had passed long ago.

She told me that she had come back to ask me if I would let her go with them and that she had no fear as she wanted to go with them willingly.
She spoke of a beautiful Light and how she was going to go through a little gate that was held open for her.

I too had gone away for a quick break and she chose that time to slip away. I firmly believe that sometimes those who we loved do not want us to see their passing, almost a way of protecting us from feeling sad or bereft. It is an intensely intimate moment, like a birth almost; I believe my Mum felt free to go without my restraint.

Please do not regret not being there because you were there in soul just as our loved ones are there in soul when we need them.

OP posts:
MoreSpamThanGlam · 09/11/2008 11:33

So so beautiful, so moving. Wonderful.

Im sorry for your loss, but thank you so much for sharing that x

Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/11/2008 11:34

Thank you, gentleotter- that was really lovely. I did chat to my mum about dying a couple of weeks before her death- she knew it was coming, and, like your mum, she had had a "near death" experience a few months previously, so she said that she wasn't scared of dying- she knew it would be fine, she was just scared of any pain in the lead-up to it. That did help a bit, and I do believe that she deliberately waited until I was gone, so I have to trust that that was somehow what she wanted.

Your post has really struck a cord with me. Thank you.

Vulgar · 09/11/2008 11:38

GentleOtter - you write words of such beauty and simplicity. They are wonderful.

I hope things get better for you soon. Look after yourself.

x

Twiglett · 09/11/2008 11:46

I am so sorry for your loss gentleotter, but happy that your father experienced such a gentle and positive death.

Your words brought tears to my eyes. That is how I imagine death

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 09/11/2008 12:06

What beautiful words Otter, but I am sorry you have lost your Dad.

I too believe some people need 'permission' to pass over and others need to be on their own.

The time between the passing and the funeral is a very odd time. There can be grief and relief, but this odd mixture takes its toll and leaves you with a tiredness that no amount of sleep will cure.

I totally understand about the warm clothes, we done the same for ds.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with your brothers behaviour as well, as if you don't have enough going on already.

Take care xxx