My brother died

[MissM]

Some of you so kindly wrote words of comfort to me when I shared that my brother was dying. He died on Friday. How is it that despite expecting it it was still a terrible shock? I had left him the evening before, and 15 hours later he was dead. I still can't work out how his body wasn't him. He still looked the same as he had when I left. I keep asking myself how and why.

MissM, I am so sorry. It feels so unreal, I know, you stand and look, you tell yourself "This has happened" and you cannot believe it. And tomorrow the same. There are many good people on MN who can help and will help, I know that. It will change but it will be a while. You are not alone. Am thinking of you.

Pushki - thank you. Calm is what I seem to have been feeling most of the time today and yesterday. I'll lose it for a bit and have a few minutes of real sobbing, and then back to being calm again. On Sunday I felt like I wasn't 'normal' because I felt so calm and everyone else had clearly spent all night crying. But I will remind myself that my reaction is as normal as the others. Right now it is just solid disbelief that this has happened.

So so sorry for you and your family. As lots of others have said, be kind to yourself, and give yourself permission to do whatever feels right at any given moment.

My brother died suddenly 4 1/2 months ago at 24 - can understand some of what you're feeling. He will live in your heart and memories forever.

Hugs xx

So sorry to hear about your brother

I too have lost a brother

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

i,m so sorry to hear your sad news i know how your feeling !!i lost my husband and my brother within 6 months of each other so i know its heart breaking be strong

So very sorry..........Life is so very unfair sometimes. My eldest son (26 yrs) lost two of his brothers - one of them was his twin. They were much younger than your brother but Im not sure how we all survived, but we have.

Just wanted you to know we are sending our love to your family from our family. Take care xxxx

I'm so sorry for your loss.

MissM I am so sorry you have lost your brother.

I am so sorry for your loss

MissM I am so so sorry.

So sorry for your loss

Thank you for your kind messages. How have some of you coped with all your sadness? I don't know anyone who has lost their brother (I guess I'm too young) so don't feel I have anyone to really share this with, apart from my other brother. I guess I will have to share it with you guys. It's so strange - I feel so normal, and then I'll remember he's not here and it feels so very unreal - how can this be so? When do you start believing it?

MissM I'm so sorry to hear about your loss I do hope you can get some support on mumsnet, and from friends/family, xx

so sorry MissM I remember your thread. It does get easier, I promise. love to you and yours xx

When? When does it get easier? Right now all I can see is it getting worse as it begins to sink in that he really has gone. Him being ill for so long doesn't ease the shock or the pain.

MissM, my dad died nearly 2 years ago, but I can't imagine what it's like losing a sibling. Over time the pain of a bereavement changes - you never lose it, it just alters and yes, on some day in the future your brother may not be the first thing you think about when you wake up, or at least not with sadness.

I'm so so sorry. Please be kind to yourself and don't expect too much, too soon, xxx

so sorry missm, i remember your thread too x

so, so sorry missm. Please try to be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much of yourself. If you want to cry then cry. If you want to talk then talk. If you want to be quiet then be quiet

Love to you

so sorr missm X

Not going to pretend to you that it got easy for me that quickly after my brother died. I still find it hard but you will find a way through all the grief - just go with your feelings, find a way to talk when you need to. At some point you may want to have some bereavement counselling - ironically I didnt but thinking of having some now 5 yrs on. Not having other siblings was hard as I felt very alone and aware of the loss that my parents were going through - friends & relatives always asking how they were & how awful it must be for them, which of course it is, but at times felt as if my loss went unnoticed - was expected by other relatives to "look after" my parents. So talk to your other brother lots - you will both be feeling a unique loss of a sibling. Look after yourselves x

Not going to pretend to you that it got easy for me that quickly after my brother died. I still find it hard but you will find a way through all the grief - just go with your feelings, find a way to talk when you need to. At some point you may want to have some bereavement counselling - ironically I didnt but thinking of having some now 5 yrs on. Not having other siblings was hard as I felt very alone and aware of the loss that my parents were going through - friends & relatives always asking how they were & how awful it must be for them, which of course it is, but at times felt as if my loss went unnoticed - was expected by other relatives to "look after" my parents. So talk to your other brother lots - you will both be feeling a unique loss of a sibling. Look after yourselves x