Should children go to a Grandparent's funeral?

[ghosty]

Bit of a family debate going on here. My SIL's mother died after a 10 month battle with cancer . My SIL is planning to take my niece and nephew to the funeral (a cremation). My brother and my parents don't think it is right and that they shouldn't go.
I don't see the problem tbh - they are 11 and 7 and were very close to their grandmother. My 11 year old niece raised 620 pounds for cancer research by running 5km less than a week after her grandma's death so I think she is completely entitled to go.

I think it is right that children attend funerals - they are part of the family too and it can help them come to terms with their loss. Yes, of course, they might see adults who are obviously upset, but I think that it is healthy to learn that, under such circumstances, grief is natural.

I Sadly and very suddenly lost my mum last july. She had not been ill. She had a massive heart attack at the young age of 55. My son was only 4 years old then. He came to the funeral to say goodbye to nanny. It was a cremation. We take flowers as often as we can. On our route to school we pass a cathedral. on the top there is a gold Angel. Every morning my son waves, and says hello to nanny. For his way of seeing life, is that nanny is an angel in heaven, now watching over him from the cathedral. I believe that they should go, and say their goodbyes. For they may question later as to why they were not allowed to say goodbye. It's hard enough to cope with a death in the family, though i feel that if they see you greiving then they will somehow understand in their own way. Then hopefully not feel hurt later on in their life that they could not say goodbye. After all it is their family member too.

My father in law died in August - we didn't take our nearly 6 year old boy to the funeral but the older grandchildren were there (aged 16 upwards).

If the children don't go to the funeral then it could possibly do more harm and build resentment at not being allowed to preform parts of their own grieving process. They will be denied the act of saying goodbye and allowed to cry at a service shared by others.

It is healthy part of life and death to say goodbye and this is part of our system, useually a week or so after the death to preform a funeral and give the last presents - flowers or money to charity.

Customs do differ, but child can be allowed to contribute to the funeral. A celebration of life can be attended by children.

Perhaps there are some uncomfortable feelings by the adults of the family, possibly they feel they may break down and cry. Could it be they do not want the children of the family to see them crying for their lost loved ones?

Some adults would be embarresed by this and may make them feel rather akward at an already difficult service?

I have no problem with someone seeing me cry and know plenty of men that do and those that dont.

I am in a situation whereby a grandparent is terminally ill. I do not want to take my child (who is 7) to the funeral as I think it will be emotionally too much for him to see his parents, aunts, uncles and cousins all crying. Am I wrong???? It is very hard to know what to do for the best. I thought I would take him to "Grandad's party" after the service so we could say goodbye there.

Being from an Irish back ground (usually lots of kids and lots of emotion at funerals) I would take a child if they were old enough to understand and could behave. However, I would also talk it through with the child before and see what the reaction was before making any decision.

No right or wrong answers, but I think that probably under 5 might be too young, but over 5 would potentially be ok.

the only funeral I have been to recently was an elderly granny (not mine) and the youngest grandchild there was about 10 - the younger ones weren't. I suspect that was because everyone was very very emotional and needed / wanted to participate in funeral and concentrate without children distracting them.

I just recently took my DDs 5 & 6 to their Grandfather's (FIL) funeral in Feb he was terminally ill with cancer after quite a long battle..I wanted them to be part of the whole process they wanted to say goodbye to him and they are his family too.

I answered any questions they had whilst at the burial and they actually had a nice time meeting other family members and close friends of their grandparent.. other parents commented that if they knew they were coming they would have brought their children too.

I would certainly take them (unless they didn't want to go). In fact I'm not sure why anyone would wish to exclude children from a funeral. Nothing willbring their gm back, nothing will make it better, at least let them take part in the ceremony and family gathering that is to say good bye to her! That's what they ate fore - to bring the family and frioends together to say goodbye and mark the death together, as a community of family and friends. Why exclude people from that community?