Just found out friend's DS killed himself.

[Vian]

No idea what to do for her or what to say or how to help. I suppose there is nothing I can do or say. She asked me to come around so I'm going by train first thing tomorrow to see her. Oh shit.

am so sorry for your friend. dont really know what else to say.

Oh God; how awful. THere really is nothing you can do or say ? but just being there for her ? should she need to cry, shout, scream ? will be a great support to her.

Every parent's worse nightmare. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's feeling.

I'm so sorry.

jesus christ. so sorry for everyone. so good that you can be there for her. it will be difficult for you too. try and rest tonight.

No one will know what to say to her. Acknowledge that, and from then you can both behave naturally.

Encourage others not to avoid her because they don't know what to say. Just be there. Don't be afraid to talk about her ds and his life.

It will be very draining for you too, I hope you have someone you'll be able to lean on and debrief with afterwards. You're obviously a very good friend.

I think that all you can do is be a support and let her talk. It happened to an aquaintance of mine a few weeks ago and I was at a loss to know what to say. Her son was 19, a good looking boy with lots of friends. He was a high achiever and at one of the top universities. It was such a waste of a life. The important thing was to say something and not avoid her. I am sure that you will be a comfort by just being with her. My best wishes to you both.

what awful shocking news. im so very sorry for all concerned.

I'm so sorry for you all. I don't think you can do or say anything, just being there is all you can do.

what shocking and sad news for your friend and for you. Wishing you strength in supporting her.

Very sorry Vian

I just hope I don't say the wrong thing. I feel so bad for her. Loss of a child is the worst of the worst.
Apparantly he and GF broke up and then he did this. Total shock.

So sorry. It must be such a shock for all his family and friends.

Would it help to find out the details about support groups for those who have lost loved ones through suicide?

There are groups out there but I'm not sure what they're called -someone on here will know, or you could google.

She may not be ready to contact them now but it might help in the future?

They may even be able to advise you on what to do for her/what to say/how to help

I'm so sorry. This happened to my parents last year when I lost my brother. People were phoning the house who we'd lost touch with over 10 years ago and I know my mum was really touched by this.

I would say keep going round to see her. One of my mum's friends came round almost every day- sometimes for an hour, sometimes for 3. She nearly always brought some food with her too- homemade soup, lasagne, even a roast dinner one day! This was fantastic at a time when no-one in the house wanted to cook and you soon get fed up with takeaways.

just listen and play it by ear, you will have the strength follow your instincts and dont be afraid to cry with her

Crying with her might be the best thing you could do for her at the moment, just share her grief. She may not be ready to talk yet, just sit and hold her hand.

How shocking and terrible. Very tragic for this family and yours weepootle. I'm so sorry to read this.

Vian that's so awful.

I doubt you could say the wrong thing. I agree with the others. Do see her regularly and do let her talk and talk and talk.

I'm so sorry

how awful

just be there. let her call the shots. don't even try and distract her now.
be prepared to be on the receiving end of a lot of emotions, so enlist other friends for constant support for the coming months.

so sorry.

How appalling .

I agree with earlier posters about some contact details for support groups. Just be there for her and see how it pans out.

How shocking and awful. You are doing the right thing by going to see your friend. I think you shouldnt worry too much about what to say - I think the important thing is to be there, listen to your friend and take your cues from her. Maybe she will just want to sit and say nothing, maybe she will weep and wail. And no doubt there will be every possible emotion over the coming months. It's the being there that is important. It would also be helpful if you arrange the next time you will visit before you leave her this time. She is going to have a long hard period of grief and knowing when you will be around will be a help

This is heart braking. I am so sorry to hear this.

My brother died unexpectedly a couple of years ago (was 23 years old, thought healthy, died within an hour) - and the only emotion you have is shock. Don't worry about what to say, you being there is what matters. One of the ladies brought roast over etc, which actually helped so much, as a) food is not on your mind, b) family comes around and then you don't want to think about practicalities, and c) it's one thing that makes sense in an otherwise falling apart world. Don't try and make it better, just be there for her.

Good luck.

Vian, have been thinking of you and how your visit went. It must have been a very hard thing to do; I'm sure your friend was glad to have you there though.

same here.

Hope she has lots of family and friends around her.