Mum,
Its 4yrs tomorrow since you left us, and although things should be getting easier, to be honest, they are getting harder.
I now have 3 children, when you left Jessica, your first granchild was just 2 weeks old - she is now such a big 4yr old, very very clever and so sweet. Dad says she is very like me as a little girl!
Then Rebecca, well she will be 3 this year, time flies! She is still the spitting image of you, the red hair that forever gets comments, the temper to match! Is very insistent on being a big girl like Jessica and so drives me to distraction some days!
Then our latest addition, Daniel. What a little treasure he is. Finally got my boy! He is 8mnths old now and so funny, very like his daddy, and again, I think he will have the red hair. My little character, but so laid back.... apparently like my brother!
I always think of you mum, you are never far from my mind. I just have to look at the children to see you live on through them. I am trying, slowly, to get a memory book together to show the children later on. The girls already know you are Grandma and you live in Heaven, they cna point you out in a photograph with no problems.
This anniversary is especially hard for me as it is the first year I am having to face it on my own. Dad and brother are both away on camp at the moment, so its just me, Dave and the children. Am looking forward to them being home on Saturday so I can get a much needed hug from Dad. You would be so proud of the way he is coping mum, yes he's had his wobbles, but he is coming out the other side now and keeps that sense of humour throughout.
I know Im a daddy's girl, and always have been, but I loved you more than you ever could have known. I feel guilty for not saying a proper goodbye when I went out the night you died, and for not wanting to say goodbye in the hospital or chapel of rest. These are decisions I perhaps now regret and will have to live with for the rest of my life.
Overall, I just want to say I love you, I miss you and I really hope you are at peace and can finally be proud of me.
All my love
Me xxx