BIL has terminal cancer, Just told my nieces..

[gingerino]

My wonderful brother in law has pancreatic cancer and has come home today in an ambulance to die. He is 40 years old with 4 girls under the age of 12. I can hardly believe it let alone write it. He had the tumour out a year and a half ago and he was flying it. He had a check up in Jan, all fine and in April he felt sick and they gave him 3 months to live, liver secondaries....

How can this happen....we can clone a sheep but can't cure this aggressive cancer.....He was getting chemo but yesterday they told him he would be dead in 2 weeks....(BTW he didn't want to know...they told him anyway...)

We are all decimated.... I feel so angry... He is such a beautiful man, life and soul of every party... he is in our family for 20 years, my sister and him were child hood sweethearts and all our family's went on holiday together, had christmas, etc together, there will be such a gap in our lives and I can't imagine him dead......

My 2 older nieces are dumbstruck and distraught and we have yet to tell the 6 year olds......

How will 4 girls marry without there dad.....I'm sorry about the long post but if you knew my BIL you would be in tears, people who have hardly met him are crossing the road to tell me how devastated they are..

I've been watching OJ and how strong she has been for Steve and her family and I really don't know where we will find the strength for my sister and her kids....sorry for rambling, I needed to get it off my chest....

yes, excellent advice, not that your mind can focus on much else but being supportive. We didn't get the practical things sorted and it has caused a huge additional burden. Make sure that a joint bank account exists or ensure monies are transferred to yours. It is harsh, but I was shocked a few days after my DH's death to be dealing with transferring direct debits for electricity etc! So true re visitors!! I phoned work colleagues, friends and limited visiting to named individuals to preserve privicy and dignity. Essential you do this.

I just wanted to say how sad I feel reading this tonight, obviously a much loved man, friend and father, it is truly awful. As OJ said you will find the strength to face all of this because you have to, there is no choice, however hard it may be. Cancer is so very cruel, my world was turned upside down in March when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel and liver cancer, not curable but treatable. We have 10 yr old triplets, born after the death of our beautiful son in 1994, in fact its Matthews birthday tomorrow, he will be 29, he was almost 15 when he died. Yes life is hard, it breaks your heart, but although it will seem impossible now, life can be good again, embrace it when it comes xxxx

Just to update you all, my wonderful BIL passed away last friday at home with his family. He passed away like a whisper, after all the agony we were so grateful. We had prayed so hard for his recovery but instead he was given a very peaceful death and now he is out of pain. As you can imagine we are devastated but there is a strange peace and calm in the house. The children have been brilliant, they all sat with him after even the two six year olds and I think it has helped them in this strange place they find themselves.

We waked him over two days, singing songs and leaving a drink on the coffin,(he reposed at home until he went to the church) and the kids drew pictures and placed them all around the coffin.

So now he is buried and there is an awful vacant place in our lives. I'm taking my sister and the 4 kids home with me to England for a few days for a change of scene (they live in Ireland)and then they will have to get ready for school and my sister will have to go back to work.....

I know times ahead will be tough and I feel like I'm having an out of body experience myself. I don't feel like it's really hit me yet although I know he is dead, very strange.... I won't have a computer again until Sunday but I would love my sister to come online to you guys and take over my gingerino name. I know that you mumsnetters will help her through this....

I'm so sorry for your loss

gingerino - thoughts and sympathies to you and your sister and the children xxx

for you and your family.

Gingerino I'm so sorry your dear BIL has gone

I wish you all peace and strength.

I'm so sorry gingerino. I read your op at the time but didn't comment, couldn't find the right words to offer any sort of help or comfort to you. But I cried when I read it and your words stayed with me for days afterwords.

Still have no words of comfort - how could they possibly help anyway - but I will most definitely remember and look out for the name gingerino when on mn.

thoughts go out to you and your family

Sorry for your loss

Gingerino - so sorry for your loss. How lovely of you to take your sister and family home with you. I'm sure your BIL was grateful to be surrounded by family and peaceful at the end. It sounds like you gave him a great send off with a good old wake and what brave neices and nephews you have.

Take care

I'm so sorry, such heart-rending experiences.

I couldn't read and then say nothing. He sounds like a wonderful man, I am so sorry he is leaving you all. How lucky your nieces are to have such a great dad, that is something that will never leave them, time or death will never take that away from them.

My heart felt love to you all. God Bless.

I am so sorry for your loss and the loss of your family Words are never enought really