Still really missing my mum months after she passed away

[ThisSillySquid]

DM passed away in March. I still really miss her. That's it really

Sending you love, I still miss my mum and I lost her 10 years ago, the loss feels different, I guess I’ve learned to live with it but it takes time, be kind to yourself.

Sorry for you loss x

I'm so sorry. It is such early days for you... you are still in the early stages of the grieving process. Of course you miss her... you always will but I promise you it won't be so hard as it is now. Every day will get the tiniest bit more bearable. I lost my mum 33 years ago and my dad 9 years ago. I think about them but it is not so painful. I know that doesn't help with how you are feeling now but just know you are in the worst of it and it will get better

So sorry Squid. It really is early days.

After I lost my mum, it took a very long time for me to come to ‘remember’ that she had gone. I would think to myself ‘ must remember to tell mum’ , then realise that of course I couldn’t, and my heart would break a little.

It’s such a profound loss for many of us - the person who has always been there, on our side.

Give yourself time. But, if you find you are really struggling, contact your GP for referral to bereavement counselling; contact the Samaritans; or chat to a friend who gets in. Or post on MN.

Would you like to tell us about your mum and what you like to remember of her?

I'm sorry for your loss.
March really is no time at all. You are in the first year of bereavement when every calendar event will be a 'first' (first birthday, Christmas etc without your DM) -this can be hard.

I still have moments when something good or fun happens and I think "Ha! I'm going to call mum and tell her!" only to remember, of course, that she's been dead for over a year.

My friend, whose husband died unexpectedly, taught me something valuable during her bereavement process. I watched her embrace every moment when she felt the hurt of loss in a sort of soft, positive way. For instance; if something reminded her of him, she would say something like "Oh, Chris really loved those -that's lovely." / "I must remember to cancel this subscription; Chris got so much out of this magazine." etc. She said that she tried really hard to put every moment of feeling the loss in a positive light so that she wouldn't become scared of the daily reminders of his absence. I have tried the same with my DM and I think it works really well. I talk to her a lot 'in my head' and even sometimes aloud, and although it sounds bonkers perhaps, it helps me process the times when I miss her.
One foot in front of the other and one day at a time, OP.

I’m really sorry.

I found talking to people about their losses was really comforting, as was listening to some grief-focused podcasts. It made me feel like I was part of something bigger, a universal human experience. Grief can feel quite lonely.

What was your mum like? What makes you think of her? I saw a road cone in a tree yesterday that made me think of my dad - the last photo he sent me was a cone at the top of a tall tree. It made me smile because he would be tickled that cones in the wrong place trigger his memory.

Feel for you, it’s heart breaking isnt it?
If you are lucky in life to have a very special loving mum then it’s very hard to cope without them.
Our children kept me going , my mum died suddenly and we had our boys , 6 and 3, she was a lovely Grannie
I thought about how she coped without her parents when we were all young, I am one of 6 children
Our childhood was lovely, not well off but she was soo kind, patient, funny and I know she would tell me to look after our boys, focus on that….
Today is my mum’s anniversary, 20 years ago but I feel like it was yesterday, I am struggling with the grief today, some years I have coped better
I saw a post a while ago and that felt true to me , not sure if i can put it on here, I’ll try..
I hope you find your own way to stay upright💐

When my mum died, the pain was unbearable and I found myself crying in my sleep months after. At some point, I wondered if I'd ever be happy again.
Life does come back, give it time, let yourself grieve x

You're still in the early days of grief. While you'll never stop missing her, the intensity of your grief will soften over time. I'm sorry for your loss 🌷

It's six months ago today since Mum passed. Like pp I want to tell her things and then remember I can't. One of Mum's friends said that you lose an anchor when your Mum dies and that resonated with me. The world keeps turning and you find ways of coping.xxx

It’s a monumental loss and a very recent one. Over 6 years since I lost mine she’s still the first thing and last thing I think of every day without fail, still many many tears. I know I’ll never not be heartbroken

You're still in the very early stages of a terrible bereavement, it's overwhelming at this time. I lost my mum 14 years ago and still miss her terribly, but it does ease in time as you start to adjust to the new normal. Give yourself time and allow yourself to cry and rage and feel anything you want or need to. Sending you so many sympathies 💐

Sorry for your loss. It gets more manageable as time goes on but of course grief never goes away. I suppose one way to put it is that it feels less raw but still hurts. My mum died 3 years ago and I still cry sometimes and dream about her. There's so much I wish I could tell her. Same with my dad who passed away over a decade ago. I miss them both a huge amount and often feel deeply nostalgic about holidays we had together.

It is so overwhelming. Not felt pain like it

You grew from your Mum's cells, so she is always going to be part of you. Unfortunately, people think time heals and you should be 'over it' after a certain amount of time. Grief doesn't work like that. It ebbs and flows over time but never goes away. I just wanted to say 'I hear you'.

I lost my mum in February, I still can’t believe she’s no longer here. I am trundling through the days and trying not to become over whelmed by grief. All I want to do is run to her .

Here with you but four years ahead of your journey. It’s not painful like it was in the beginning when it was relentless - but bubbles up regularly and takes me by surprise. I will try to take a leaf from Toadflax's friend’s book - that’s such a lovely approach to loss.

I’m so sorry. My mum died very suddenly in April and it’s so hard. I’m back to work and functioning ok but inside I’m still struggling to get my head around the fact that this is life now and so desperately wish it wasn’t. Nothing really to add except to say I also hear you and feel the same.

My mum died 6 years ago she had cancer and from diagnosis to death it was 3 months and a huge huge shock.
My sister and I were very close to her and she loved our children. We were discussing this earlier today actually that the feeling of loss will never truly go away - there’s the firsts of everything but then as you go along, various milestones with the kids she’s missed.

We still celebrate her birthday tho and go out in her memory and try to make remembering her happy. Some days I do however still get tearful as does my sister but we’ve found talking about our Mum and remembering how wonderful she was is such a huge comfort and hopefully after the initial shock of grief has passed you can get to this point.

im so sorry for your loss but remember grief looks different for different people and there’s no rules as to how long this should take.

I lost my mum almost 2 years ago. It feels like yesterday and feels like a lifetime.

You are in the hardest place right now. So raw, so painful, just so traumatic. I'm here to tell you that it eases, that raw painful grief.

It mellows out and becomes more bearable. Yes, I still miss my mum terribly of course. I always will, but I can reflect on good times now and look at photos and smile at my memories.

I look back now and see that I was a different person during those early months of grief. I'm feeling more like me again.

Ride it out, go with it, scream, cry, talk about her, miss her. You will gradually start to feel less pain, I promise 💕

Hi, I’m so sorry you feel so sad. My mum passed away last week and I have that horrible sort of knot in my stomach. Also tears came in M&S when I thought about how would have loved something I saw. It’s really hard

Thank you for starting this thread and i hope you don't mind if people share it. I came on to this board to say something very similar. My mum died in December. She was very poorly and things were quite difficult and i feel like my grief has been a bit suppressed somehow. Today i went to see a play with my daughter and it really made me think of my mum, especially her younger days and I suddenly miss her really deeply. I lost my dad 20 years ago and feel unanchored, like someone said upthread. No one is quite as interested in your life as your mum. Dd starts secondary school in September. I'd like to be able to tell my mum about it. I'd like to have a normal chat where she's still optimistic about life, and not suffering. I don't really know what to do with these feelings. Just after her death there were outlets but not so much now. So thanks again for creating this space to share. Mums are special.