*****TW**** Suicide. My husband is gone.

[Ole34]

My husband killed himself today. Leaving behind me and our 4 year old little girl. I have absolutely no idea what to do. He was my best friend and I thought we were going to grow old together, the best husband and daddy. I can’t even imagine a world without him. He did it while I was away visiting family. I wasn’t even there, I feel so guilty. How am I supposed to get through this??

I'm so, so sorry that you're going through this. Please don't blame yourself for not returning early.
I'm glad you're with family and I hope you'll get all the support you need.

Here are two organisations which specifically help people in your awful position. Please contact one or both when you're able to.

https://www.suicideandco.org/helpline

https://uksobs.com/

There’s a charity called Survivors of bereavement by suicide. SOBS. Please contact them. They have phone lines and groups. Please reach out to them . X

Just exist for now. Get through the day. The next minute, hour, day. The bare minimum. Accept help, ask for what you need. Find support when it's needed and speak up when you need to be alone. You'll get through it, there's no other option.

Your reaction was a normal thing to do because you did not know what was behind his request. There is no way you could have known what was on his mind. People who have made this decision do not make it known. Had he said, then I am sure you would have gone back, but we cannot know what we do not know.

I have spent time with people in your situation and those with serious intent to end their life never make it clear. This leaves you with a burden of guilt that is understandable but unfounded.

Take comfort from your family.

Sending love and strength. This is not your fault and echo what others have said. Those with true intent don't let you know and often manage it anyway. Every time you think what if and I should have remind yourself of that.
Be prepared shortly for the shock to subside slightly and anger to come. That's ok. It's part of grief.

There is no way you could have known and you cannot be responsible for another adult's actions.

Who's to say he wouldn't have done it another time, another day, even if he knew you were travelling home early.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

As others have said, reach out to all the organisations mentioned and draw in all the support you can

I'm so very sorry for your loss, must be absolutely horrific to lose your loved one in these circumstances.
As others have said, this isn't your fault at all and you absolutely should not feel guilty.
Please make sure you get lots of support from friends, family and some of the organisations mentioned here.

I will echo the others in saying that this isn’t your fault. However, it is unfortunately natural for loved ones to blame themselves when someone has died by suicide. So although you are not to blame, guilt is unfortunately going to be one of the difficult emotions that comes your way. In time, I think you will be able to believe that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this (my friend has reached this point, two years on from her husband’s suicide). For now, you may have no choice but to let each emotion come and go as they will. But everyone here knows it wasn’t your fault, for what it’s worth.

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please try to remember that his actions were driven by illness and there was nothing you could have done. I have been suicidal in the past and I genuinely believed that my family would be relieved if I went. Depression lies and really well. He did not do this intending to hurt you or your child.

Just get through each day, one by one. In time, get some help to assist in getting through this terrible loss. Allow people to support you.

I’m so very sorry.

How sad for all of you.

But you cannot blame yourself. You just can’t.

im glad you are with family xxx

I am so sorry. 💐
Please take comfort in the support of your family.
And know that it wasn’t your fault.

I’m so sorry. I don’t just want to not respond. This is such an awful thing to have to deal with.
I’m thinking of you and your lovely daughter xxx

Just not sure what I am meant to do now. He was my soul mate. I can’t believe he left us.

this is not your fault. I know its hard to accept but sadly if someone has this in their mind it is their wish. it is so sad and does not affect how they feel about you and your child. Depression and suicide is a very difficult thing. i am so so sorry for your situation. if things get too hard do not forget we are all here for you and The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day. sending love to you

Please contact that organisation that exists entirely for people like you. All of us here are so sad for you, but the people at SOBS will have much more insight into what has happened to you, and the emotional effect of this traumatic event. You will be able to speak to them freely, and they'll understand and know what to say to you.

Meanwhile we are here for you, but we'll probably be somewhat more clumsy in our support.

I’m so very sorry op. I think all you can do is just keep breathing, take each moment, and each day one at a time. Lean on your family, your friends. Let them help you as much as possible.
sending strength. X

Thinking of you OP. I hope you are finding ways to get through each hour. I imagine eating and sleeping are difficult but I hope you can manage a bit of both of those things to keep your strength up. 💐

I’m so sorry that you lost someone you loved so very much. It doesn’t feel like it right now but you and your daughter will be ok. Speak to Cruse. Suicide grief is very different to other grief, you need long term support to process it all.

I'm so sorry OP x

I am so sorry for your loss. 💕 My partner took his life a year ago. At first I didn’t know how I would get through each day, well I couldn’t. But a lovely friend, would give me a list each morning, of just 3 things. Ie: Brush teeth, feed the children, drink some water. Those things are easier said than done, but I’d go days, weeks without water, washing. I’d tick them off whatever they be, then go back to bed for hours and hours. The 3 things lists still get me through now. I am sending you so much love x each morning, 3 things. I promise it works x

It was my 31st birthday yesterday and it was the most horrific one yet. Having to sit in front of a funeral director discussing what to do with the love of my life. How will I ever recover from this.

@Ole34 What an awful birthday for you. I’m so sorry you are having to navigate this. I haven’t been in your situation so I don’t know about recovery, but I imagine that- while you will never really completely recover from this, you will- eventually- be able to shape a new life for yourself. You will be capable of laughter and joy. Not now of course, and not for quite some time yet, but there will be some healing for you.

A friend lost her husband about 8 years ago in strange and traumatic circumstances. An ‘open verdict’ was given by the coroner. It might have been a deliberate act; it might not. My friend wondered how she would ever recover. She misses her husband desperately. She wishes he was still here, and she wishes she could understand what happened. But she experiences joy and reasons to live. And you will too.

I’m just so sorry that this has happened to you. It’s completely unfair and impossible to process, I imagine.