It’s been 5 years since I lost my mum suddenly to a heart attack. We were very close, very similar people. She’s left such a big hole in my life.
at the time I was in my late 30s with two very small DC and although I did go through at least 18 months of daily grief and shed so many tears, it feels like my grief is now returning full force again but in a different shape.
it feels as if a big grey heavy shapeless mass has recently taken over. It’s hard to describe. I am tired, on edge, and although I still feel like I hold things together quite well (full time work, full on DC etc) I think a lot about wanting to step away from things and take a chunk of time off. I’m anxious about things that are completely coincidentally linked to what happened. I’m pretty much always in that zone where if anyone asks me how I am, i am at risk of bursting into tears.
parenting wise I shout more than I want to, worry much more than I would like to, and want to run towards and away from my DC at the same time.
does anyone recognise this - I’m worried it could be grief burnout and I probably need to spend a lot of money on a therapist. :-(