Was this a normal experience of a funeral directors?

[Frodocheerio]

I have been handling the death of DGF largely alone. Fortunately he had a funeral plan, but I have been left so bemused by how crap the funeral director was that I’m not sure whether it is a typical experience and wondered if anyone had a different perspective.

First of all, on the day DGF died and before they had even called me to begin their involvement, the legal services team from their parent company called me to try flogging their probate services. I got an apology for that.

From then on it was just low-level uselessness and a few jibes about how I was ‘cutting things fine’ despite any hold ups coming from them and the church involved.

Finally, when we met there on the day of the funeral to follow the hearse, later that day I realised they had emailed me the invoice for what wasn’t included in the plan literally minutes after we’d driven off.

The whole thing just felt so off and unsympathetic I think it’s really tainted what I’ve been through in the last few weeks. Was I expecting too much? Is it worth raising any of this with them, or just letting it go? It was all hard enough without just feeling like a pain in their arse.

I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry to hear this. I really am - you needed understanding and sympathy, not to mention total professionalism at such a sad time. When I lost my Mum last year I used the Co Op services and they were the total opposite to what you describe and were absolutely wonderful, so no, I think you were let down by your provider.

That sounds bloody awful. When my mum died we used a local company & they were excellent - really supportive. You definitely deserved better.

I'm sorry that this very poor service has made a difficult time even worse. We also used a local company when my Dad died and they were very good. The invoice did not appear for quite some time after the funeral, which I thought was sensitive. I'd have been prepared for it to turn up within a few days, but during the service itself? That's just moneygrabbing. They've shot themselves in the foot, I imagine, because you won't be recommending them to anyone, quite the reverse.

I’m sorry @Frodocheerio, no one should be treated that way.

For anyone else reading, it’s really worth going for a local, ideally family owned, company rather than one of the dignity or similar chains. The FDs of some of these chains are appalling and often disorganised as well.

Just cremated m in L

used a local firm, who seemed to have lots of time and patience with S in L who faffed about a bit.

we paid in two stages- disembursements before the funeral, then final bill afterwards.

The minister that conducted the service is a friend of ours- said he'd never been paid prior to the service before.

Thank you for your thoughts. I’ve a day of admin tomorrow so have to get round to dealing with them and I just don’t feel up to it. It all just keeps niggling at me.

The firm was allocated with the plan, it appeared independent but was indeed part of Dignity. His body wasn’t even in chapel there until the day before, having been kept in some centralised unit before then, which was distressing to think about. I thought I may have more chances to spend time with him before the funeral (closed casket) as that would have been a comfort. But I just felt rushed and as if I was expected to know everything automatically.

My experience of funeral directors has not been positive.
Ultimately, it is a business for them and they are looking to charge you as much as they can.
Do leave a review somewhere so that others can know what (how little) to expect. Especially the cheap jibes and relentless marketing.
Regarding the chapel: bodies do have to be kept properly so I would not have expected it to be in the chapel until necessary.

TLDR:
When DH died, I wanted him cremated and then I wanted to collect his remains in a little casket. I organised everything else. Because of this, despite charging me well over £1k, the man I dealt with was vile. He was so horrible to me on the phone that my in-laws came along for the final meeting and they commented how awful he was. He even tried to overcharge us for the little casket! We had to send him away to correct they contract he brought me to sign b/c it had so many extra charges!
At the end of the meeting, he then tried to suck up to my in-laws by explaining that they provided a hearse with uniformed drivers and not just a white van careering around collecting corpses!
My in-laws had recommended his company which is one of the biggest and best known in our area, a multi-generational business b/c of a previous, positive experience but he fell way short of that.