Sad dream about my dad

[PermanentTemporary]

Shadowed today by a difficult dream about my dad.

He was paying some bills, all by people who’d been chasing him for a long time, and wanted me to take the cheques to them. I knew he didn’t really have the money. I was wondering whether to pay them for him and trying to work out how much it would end up being - several thousand - and whether he would resent me doing it, and knowing that it wouldn’t fix anything and he’d be in the same situation again in a few months.

It felt like how it always was around my dad - financial chaos and worry, and he’d never tell you anything until the last possible minute, and always involved with dodgy people who flattered him and got money out of him.

I know I can be like my dad and i hate that part of myself. I even find it harder now because my sister has forgiven him and only says positive things about him and negative things about my mum. Also feeling that we will never ‘move on’, I’m nearly 60 and this is permanently how it is. I suppose at least it will never get worse.

I don't know @PermanentTemporary, I think as long as we're still alive change is possible and often happens without us even making an effort. I think dreams help us process things, too, so it sounds like you're still processing your relationship with your dad.
I'm 71 and both my parents died when I was in my thirties and I still occasionally dream about them. And how I feel about my mother has definitely shifted for the better again just recently. Which has been completely unexpected!
Wishing you well. 💐