Did grief make you more sensitive especially to any kind of rejection?

[grievingshroud]

Following a series of complex bereavements, I'm alone in life. My coping has been to withdraw and hide away. Recently I've taken a few tentative steps towards re-engaging which I have found difficult and had to push myself. I invited someone who is associated with the past and happier times and knew the deceased to come with me to a sold out event with a soloist they love who is highly rated. They replied to me saying they would have loved to come but have already been.

This has made me feel really tearful and very upset. It's sort of 'set me back' in recovery as it were. Some of it is just a feeling of rejectioneh but has hit hard like a blow to the head. Some of it is that this whole invitation was a nostalgic hankering for the past for me. It was a nice reply and was very much 'I'd love to see you. how about dinner'. but I've found that now having been rejected I just don't want to see them at all. A similar thing has happened before when I asked someone to come to something.

I wondered if anyone else can identify with any of this or has any advice? I've thought about it and think that my stress coping is very low because of the grief and in normal times, I'd have brushed it off. It feels like it's a magnified rejection. It makes me not want to try again and hide away even more.

I think grief can leave one very thin skinned.
Try and talk yourself out of the mindset of rejection, the person you asked sounds nice and wants to see you for dinner, focus on the positive thing and not the no to the concert. Rejections can feel like a loss, and that is why they can feel far more painful than they warrant. In this instance it isn’t a rejection just a different arrangement.
I am sorry for you loss. Have you considered bereavement counselling ? Some people find it helpful.

I can definitely identify with what you went through @grievingshroud as my DH1's death knocked the stuffing out of me and I found myself feeling that some people were really harsh and unkind to me even though they knew I was grieving. What I now know with the benefit of hindsight is that I should never have exposed myself to any form of perceived rejection because my defences and resilience was rock bottom.

i also found that people behaved weirdly around me, they deliberately gave me a wide berth and almost wanted to avoid social contact with me. Why, I do not know, but possibly they thought I might have latched onto them as a way of getting over my grief. I relive it from time to time and feel proud of myself for how far I have come since those dark, dark times and that I have learnt a lot about myself and my response to grief.

Be kind to yourself and don't attribute any perceived rejection as being something that's your fault or something you've done wrong, it really isn't.

I certainly found my reactions to lots of things were abnormal for a long, long time.

I did find therapy really helpful and if you can possibly find some money for it I’d really recommend it.

In the meantime - grit your teeth and respond with the shortest positive response that leaves the ball in their court you can manage - ‘I’d love dinner, let me know when we can go’, and find something, anything that makes you feel good. One of the few positives of that time was how much I loved music then, maybe listen to an album you love and feel some positive emotions 💐

I found music was really healing @PermanentTemporary

The friend said they had already attended the event and offered an alternative.
That seems kind and considerate.

The world has moved on and everybody is "busy" somehow. In all honesty I think you were fortunate to receive a reply at all these days.

It takes so much energy to navigate what was once a simple arrangement.
Kind thoughts to you, it's an awful place to be.

Yes - grief can leave you very thin skinned is exactly the way to describe it. I feel I've lost my normal buffer.

@daisychain01 not exposing yourself to any rejection is how I have been operating as I knew I was too sensitive. with hindsight, it was all a bit of a stupid mistake as it was based on a hankering for the past which is gone.

I feel so raw still and tired of getting caught by something that just upsets me so much I sob and sob.

I am having grief counselling which is good but I think utlimately it takes time to regrow a shell and I hope I do because I can't keep avoiding everyone for ever and crying. It's exhausting that deep sobbing of pain.

I can definitely to feeling much more sensitive to anything that might remotely be perceived as rejection. I too am grieving and am surprised how quickly people expect you to be ‘ok’. Perhaps others felt I was like that too in the past and perhaps i was. It feels like we need to do basically whatever we can just to get through until the rawness has become something different. You are not alone in undergoing grieving right at this time even though we are all having to walk our own journeys individually. Let yourself off making yourself vulnerable more than you absolutely can bear.

Yes to having a very thin skin and being more sensitive than before the bereavement.
A colleague told me last week that they had found my DH's funeral distressing as it was the 3rd one they'd attended this year.

I understand that - but I'm probably not the person for them to offload to!

I've decided to be low contact with them for a while - I know that they will find this upsetting, but I need to protect myself - and make sure that I don't say anything hurtful to them.

I was sensitive when my grandma died. I would sob for hours over the slightest thing. I was shocked when my mum told me that i was selfish for grieving. Now i realise that i held it together when my granddad died and my grandma's death was the straw that broke the cammel's back.