I just can’t help but shake off the constant feeling of sadness. It started ever since my brother passed away around 2 months ago. We weren’t very close but would still visit each other every so often as we just had each other. Our parents have passed away and no other siblings.
My brother was only 50 yrs old when he passed. He was in hospital for nearly 7 weeks and was so ill. A week before he passed away his brain function declined. He had severe delirium and stopped talking. It was so distressing for us to see him like that. I am trying to be there for my sister-in-law and neices. But it’s still difficult to comprehend everything.
I didn’t just lose a brother I lost the family I was born into. I feel like nothing matters anymore. I’m not scared of death. I feel like not many people have treated me like I’m a person with feelings. I’m expected to switch to happy mood around my husband’s family. I feel exhausted mentally.
I have a good husband and 2 young kids. I should feel grateful for but I feel they will get on with life just fine without me. My husband is occupied with his businesses and his own plans.
I just feel miserable. I get on with life I don’t have a say and feel life is all about pleasing others. I feel like I’m just living but I’m not happy from inside. I keep thinking how I didn’t understand the day to day burden of my brother’s health conditions.
How do I come out of this? I’ve been reflecting about how life is unfair and how I don’t have many people who genuinely care about me. How l wish my brother lived longer for my sisinlaw and his kids and how it’s unfair for them.