My lovely mum has died 3 weeks after diagnosis

[Pleasehelpme90]

I apologise is this post jumps around, I cannot think properly. My mother died on Friday 24th at the age of 61, which was also my son’s 8th birthday. She was admitted to hospital just 3 weeks ago with stomach pains, she had thought she had IBS. Scans and tests were done and she was found to have stage 4b ovarian cancer which had already spread to several organs.

Never did I think I would lose her at 31 years old. I do not know how to cope. I am doing my best to parent my kids but I feel so completely exhausted, broken, heavy, I don’t know how I will ever feel truly happy again. We all had taken turns to sit with her once she was admitted to the palliative care ward and I was there when she took her last breath. It’s a moment I both hate and cherish.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is. I suppose just to find any insight into how to cope and to hear that I’m not alone. I work full time and have taken this week off but I also worry if I can’t face going back next week. I will see how I feel but I cannot so much as answer the door to the postman without breaking down.

Thank you for reading.

I am going through similar and I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. Do what you need to do to get through. My children are older, but I can imagine how hard it is for you with little ones. Take some time off work, as long as you need to feel you can cope again, and just focus on the things you need to do and forget the rest for now x

So sorry for your loss and a terrible shock for you and your family.
My mother had bowel cancer and from diagnosis to her death was 11 weeks .

I won't lie , the next months and longer will be hard and you will think you will never get over the sheer grief you are in now and in a way you won't but little by little you will learn to start to enjoy life again .

However , saying all that is pointless to you as you are at the very beginning of all of that . Don't hide your grief , if you need to cry do it . Look after yourself , try to eat if you can and if not make sure you stay hydrated .
Make sure you are getting lots of support and if you can support your family and loved ones .
With the nice weather try and get out in the sun for a walk , it will help . Take care .

I’m so very sorry to read this.
what a huge shock for you all.

i would say take the time you need, speak to your employer and explain things and get a sick note if necessary, to have that time and to make all the necessary arrangements etc..

id also reach out to some counselling when I lost my mum I found that helpful x

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same with my dad who had glioblastoma and passed away in 3 weeks. It's brutal.

Take time for yourself. Make sure to keep talking about her and it will slowly get less painful.

If you can access counselling, please do.

I am here if you want to PM me x

My father died in similar circumstances when I was in my late 20s and my daughter was 5. It was such a shock when six weeks after getting his diagnosis he was gone. It was 16 years ago now and it does get easier. Take care and don’t push yourself too hard.

Holding your hand. So many of us have been in similar situations. There's no words to explain but just someone saying 'i know' sometimes help you feel less alone. Xx

I’m so sorry for your loss, what a dreadful thing to happen to your family. Your poor mum. Completely understand your shock and how hard it is to lose her when you have young children and are still so young yourself.

Everything you feel is completely natural and normal, please be kind to yourself. A week off work won’t be long enough, I agree you should ask for more.

you will enjoy life again, I promise- just as your mum would want you to. But grief is very consuming when it’s this raw so don’t worry about your feelings. It’s healthy to be processing it. Don’t try to hide it from your kids, they will be fine and won’t remember if you’re off your game for a few weeks or months. Take care xx

i'm so sorry.

see your gp and explain the situation, and ask for some time off work to give you some breathing space. there will be a lot of practicalities to deal with as well as the emotional side.

be gentle with yourself. grief is not a straight line so you will have good days and bad. time does help, and so will grief counselling as and when you feel up to it.

and to add you are not on your own. it's a terrible thing to go through but many people have been where you are so they will understand.

Big hugs. What a huge loss and shock for you all. Your poor Mum.
My Mum died a few years ago, also only in her 60's which feels cruelly young.
The new few weeks you will be in crisis mode and just do what needs to be done. Grief takes many forms, and is different for everyone. I cried profusely every single day for at least a year. Then maybe less often and now I can mostly think about her or talk about her without breaking down. I see her influence on me and my life and that makes me glad she was here.
Life will go on and you will learn to grow around the gap she leaves and you will feel happy again. Ultimately our Mum's wouldn't want us to be sad forever. But take your time and accept that grief is in your life for the foreseeable future.

I am the same age as you with young children & lost my wonderful dad suddenly to a heart attack. He was here, apparently fine one day and gone less than 24 hours later at only 57.
I have no words of advice as I am not really coping and I cry everyday. I miss him so much and its so hard to see everyones life carry on as normal when I feel like mine has stopped but I wanted you to know that you're not alone in your feelings as I am also feeling all of what you have described💗

Go easy on yourself. I lost my Dad 3 years ago and I'm just starting to feel like I'm coming out the other side - he had liver cancer and was 4 months from diagnosis to death. Grief is hard - I was lucky to get bereavement counselling via the hospice where he spent a long time as a patient and that helped. I run a business with DH so only managed odd days off and looking back I've got no idea how on earth I coped. I've only just managed to put a photo out of him.

If you've got a job that allows it, get signed off for a few weeks at least. If you can't eat, drink lots of fluids and take a good multivitamin too. It gets easier and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can feel and understand your shock as I too lost my Mum forty years ago when I was 25 years old with a young child - she had an asthma attack. There one minute and gone the next and no chance to say all those things we wish we could say.
Be grateful, happy and sad that you had those precious few weeks with your mum even to the inevitable sad end. You will miss her not just now but at random times in future but she will always be with you and you wonder how you will cope. You will! However hard it maybe at times!! Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your feelings whenever they occur - don't bottle them up - share the happy and sad memories. She was a huge figure in your life and it will take time to get used to learning to live without her. Hugs xx