Is it normal to feel fine so soon after losing my mum?

[MaraScottie]

Hi,
My gorgeous Mam passed away 2 weeks ago, her funeral was last week. She was only 68 and had cancer for the past year - it was never looking good really but she went downhill quite rapidly over the past 4 weeks while in hospital. I felt like I lost her 3 weeks before she actually died as the cancer in her brain progressed.

In the lead up to this, I was heartbroken. Anxious, upset, crying all the time, finding it hard to focus at work, pulling away from social events, and it was going on for months as she was undergoing tests and scans earlier this year. Really though, the fear of losing her was been in the back of my mind for that entire year.

We're now a week after the funeral, and I'm worried that I feel "fine". I cry when I think about her or look at photos but everything feels normal again and I don't know what this means. Has it not hit me properly? Or did I do my grieving before she died?

When I read accounts of women losing their mam (and we were very close), they talk about months of not being able to function, but this is not my experience. What's wrong with me!

I am sorry for your loss. It’s rubbish and there is no timeframe for grief. My mum died very unexpectedly a few years ago. I lived 4 hours away and had seen her a few months previously.

I was more shocked and couldn’t cry. Upset and worried for my dad. People kept telling me to cry. I couldn’t. I just knew only to carry on with life. I didn’t know how to feel or act. I just remember getting annoyed at people trying to control my grieving. I was upset and missed her. But just couldn’t grieve. I took 4 weeks off work but it was more to help my dad. I did feel guilty and worry there was something wrong with me. But I think I was trying to be strong.

it was about 9 months later it hit me. I grieved then as it hit me I wouldn’t see her again. I think it’s cause we went months without seeing each other normally due to distance. I took time off work then. I felt upset and guilty. A dr told me it was delayed grief and it’s common.

don’t be hard on yourself. Just do what your body tells you.

For me it came in waves - sometimes so hard I felt crushed and unable to function for days and then normal for a little while. I couldn’t predict it.

Grief comes in waves. Be kind to yourself and know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

I think I got one of those waves today ... Got so angry and then really upset out of nowhere this afternoon.

This is going to be a long, hard road.