Family member died and I thought it might be a good chance to explain to DS1 about death. How did I do?

[Dragonbutter]

DH's uncle died yesterday. We're all feeling a bit sad so thought it would be a good idea to explain to DS1 who is 3.5 what has happened.

Me: Uncle *, has died.
DS1: Oh dear.
Me: He was very sick.
DS1: Did he go to hospital?
Me: Yes, but he was too ill and they couldn't help him so he died.
DS: Hmm
Then
DS: I think i killed him.
Me: No darling you didn't kill him he was sick
DS: I might have killed him with a pen
Me: No, you didn't. He was ill. It was nobodies fault. But that is why Daddy and Me and Nannie are feeling sad.
DS:Is Uncle * sad?
Me: I don't know. I hope not.

Then i was crying and laughing at the same time.

Ok, so how did i do? and what do i need to explain that i didn't? Is 3.5 too young to grasp the concept?

If he has met him maybe need to cover off the fact he won't ever see him again?
Difficult subject so I think you did pretty well fwiw

There is a book called 'Waterbugs and Dragonflys' which may help?

I'm not sure if or where you can buy it, we were given a copy by the macmillan nurse.

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Oh, I am sorry for your loss.

DS1 then aged 5 'got it' when my dear Dad died, DS2, age nearly 3 then could not get his head around it, at all.

You did very well.

( I love that you spell Nannie like that)

www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-You-First-Death-Books/dp/0764117645/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213965729& sr=8-1
this is very good or do contact Winstons Wish they help children who have been bereaved.

Thanks. Just realised i have to go out.
Will check in again later.

I also think that the Waterbugs and Dragonflies book is a must.

For my girls we told them Calypso was in the stars with Jesus. It seems to have gone over pretty well

Thank you. I'll have a look for those books. Yes, i need to make sure he's clear that being dead means you won't be seeing them again.
Thanks alisteal. Being Humanist I don't feel comfortable about telling him he's gone to heaven etc. but i do worry that my answers of 'i don't know where he's gone' and 'i don't know if he's sad' can be unsettling for little ones.

the last Mog book is good for this (don't think it mentions heaven)

I have never found a better explanation than the one I gave my DS at about that age .. which was based on made-for-tv movie starring John-Boy Walton (and you cannae get a better recommendation than that can you?)

search for 'hand in glove' and my name .. it'll come up lots

sorry for your loss