Grief 5 years on…

[DrWhosJazzyScarf]

Just as the title says, really. It will be 5 years next weekend since my lovely but complex dad died. I really fell apart today - tears, panic attack etc, which has taken me by surprise as the last couple of years have been easier.

I’m going through a period of significant stress otherwise, which I’m thinking can’t be helping.

I don’t know what I’m asking for here. Reassurance that my reaction is ‘normal’? Other people’s experiences? License to give my husband a dressing down for quite flippantly telling me to seek grief counselling if ‘this is still a thing’?

Thoughts welcome - I’m really finding today tough.

I’m so sorry for your loss. 💔

My lovely DH died just over a year ago. I’m still grieving but able to function. When you lose someone who means everything to you, I don’t think you actually get over it. What happens instead is that you get used to the fact that they’ve gone. Grief is different for everyone and talking of timescales is pointless.

For some people grief counselling can be helpful. Perhaps if your DH had suggested counselling kindly, rather than flippantly it would have landed better for you. Don’t tell him off, your grief will have impacted on him as well.

As you’re struggling perhaps now is the right time to reach out for some help. All the very best to you. 🌺

I definitely wouldn’t say anything is “not normal” - you feel however you feel! And your husband is definitely being a dick to talk about this “still being a thing”. That said, panic attacks rather than “just” feeling really sad, and the fact you refer to your Dad as really complex, does suggest to me that you might benefit from some counselling? I’ve had grief counselling before and it definitely doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you - it just forced me to talk about some things that I probably needed to talk about.

Thanks for your thoughts @ConvolutedCat@VillanousvillansI did access counselling about a year after he died, and I feel like that helped me process a lot. I should have added that I have a diagnosis of GAD, so panic attacks are often a normal response to feeling sad and anxious - I don’t think my DH entirely gets this as it’s far from his own experience.

Will hold off an a ticking off and see how I feel in the coming days and weeks. Perhaps I do need to speak to someone.

And I’m so sorry to hear of your loss @Villanousvillans. I hope you’re doing as well as can be.